Graphic - Feeling suicidal

Angel2fire · 31-03-2011, 05:46 PM

Since Monday I have felt so much like I don't want to be here.

A few things have gone on and everythings just built up. And everyone says "things will get better" but 1) The DVLA have revoked my license. 2)I've been told an injury to my leg is permanaent and i'll never walk properly.

A few days ago my husband was called by security when they found me at the top carpark of the shopping centre writing a suicide note.
Without even thinking about what I was doing I researched was dangerous amounts of my medication are.

I just dont want to do this anymore :( If I cant walk and cant drive whats the point. Im convinced my little boy doesnt like me, and my husband is only here because he doesnt know any better.

My husband phoned the crisis team a few days ago but all they said was they will write to my doctor to ask him to give me physio, and that they cant get me an appointment with the pysch for 2 weeks. So I'm just sat here...

I'm not sure why I'm posting this, I just dont know what to do. I'm self harming a lot, even though all the sharp stuff is locked away in a cupboard. I'm just losing any will that I have to live, it just doesnt seem worth it anymore. I dont really have anyone I can talk to who won't just say "oh but things will get better."

MayhemBee · 31-03-2011, 06:11 PM

i wont say things will get better. But, circumstances could change. These thing do happen sometimes, even if it seems impossible. I hope things do at least, or there is no hope left for me. XD I really dont know what else to say, apart from i'm always happy to listen. :)

roiben · 31-03-2011, 09:14 PM

Can I ask why the DVLA has revoked your license? It may be that this is a decision that can be reviewed, and it may be that you can re-obtain a license again at a later stage.

I know hearing the news about your leg must have been horrible for you - your leg though, will not prevent you from driving. There are adaptive cars available, and I know people who have used them and do not have use of their legs, so do not give up hope on driving just yet.

It sounds like you have been feeling very desparate for quite some time. Do you have any support, from a therapist or cpn at all - as it sounds like you need to talk through how you are feeling. Not just about your leg, but other issues you have in the background.

I can not promise a magic recovery - I do not believe in them. Things can improve though, and they can change. Please do keep fighting. Do some research and investigation into your options and alternatives, as they are out there.

Roiben x

PassedExpectations · 01-04-2011, 11:02 PM

how has the last day been?

i second what Roiben said about things getting better. it doesn't happen overnight, and it isn't always easy to get there, but they do improve.

you can't tell what other people are thinking....... the only way to really know is if they tell you. so it doesn't make sense to think that your boy or husband don't like you, or only like you cause they don't know better. especially the one with your husband. hes probably got a better appreciation for your many positive qualities than you do, just cause we tend to be so hard on ourselves about our faults.