Should I have told her?

Disneyland · 28-03-2011, 11:14 PM

Was it wrong to have told my TA I was suicidal? She did all this stuff for me and I was really appreciative of it, but when she had me see a psychiatrist at the university's health clinic, the psychiatrist was like "It's great she's supportive of you but it can be really emotionally draining and she's really crossing the boundaries for you". Now I just feel really bad that I got her involved at all.

She had been the one to initiate our talk about our similar histories and I felt she was the only one who could really relate to how I felt the other night. I didn't expect her to go all out for me like she did. And now I just feel bad I did that.

Should I just have never told her about it?? And now I don't know how I'm supposed to act around her now. I just feel really bad. :-/

needle girl · 29-03-2011, 12:14 AM

Hey. I've read your previous posts to get a better idea of whats going on. I do not think it was/is wrong, in any way. For me, it always feels weird being around someone the first few times after I've told them something very deep like that. I don't know what the rules are at your college- but I don't see why TA's wouldn't be allowed to help students. Is your TA a student too? At my school, all the TA's are fellow undergrads. She seems to understand what you are going through and wants to help you. As for how you're suppossed to act, you don't need to act a certain way. Be yourself. If she asks how you are, try to answer honestly. I'm glad someone is there with you who is helping.

Prairie Gal · 29-03-2011, 12:30 AM

No, it's fine. One thing very wrong with our society IMO is people not getting involved for a hundred different reasons/excuses.

Good for you and good for her! Your psychiatrist is too stuck on political
correctness I think.

Disneyland · 29-03-2011, 12:55 AM

Thanks guys. <3 She is a student, but a grad student. She's only 5 years older than me, though. No massive age difference or anything. I just don't know where/if I should draw the line now. The psych implied I shouldn't talk to her about any of this anymore, but I only talked with the psych for like, 15 minutes. I don't know what I'd do now in this case if I do end up feeling suicidal again before my intake next Tuesday. I just hope things don't end up being awk. with my TA. She's been so good to me.

needle girl · 29-03-2011, 01:02 AM

Well...implications are not rules. You can always ask her. Don't be afraid to say non-serious things to her either- idk, like, if you pass her on campus and like her shirt or somethiing, you know? And if you need to, there are hotlines and such you can call. Do you have anyone else to talk to?

Disneyland · 29-03-2011, 01:26 AM

I don't really have anyone else to talk to. My closest friends know I cut, but they're more apt to joke about it since it's such an awk. subject. Tracy relates because she was suicidal as a teenager and used to cut herself, etc. That's how I was so easily able to connect with her about everything. She gave me a big list of different hotlines and stuff and included an "...and me" at the bottom. I'm especially uncomfortable with calling hotlines because I'm worried they'd call the cops on me to take me to the hospital.

needle girl · 29-03-2011, 01:38 AM

Each hotline is different; many don't have tracing equipment therefore couldn't send anyone after you.

Yeah, my best friend knows, tries to help, but can't really relate.

Prairie Gal · 29-03-2011, 01:57 AM

Well, you aren't her prof./teacher, or are you? That could make it awkward.

Regardless, this is no time for pride. The TA has offered to be a support, she's older than you, she can relate. Let her be a lifeline. Psychiatrists themselves have a fairly high rate of suicide compared to other professions, so they aren't the final authorites IMHO. Do what's best for you.

I love it that she put Me underneath the professional helpers. I've worked as a professional helper myself, but I know that individuals with no training
who care about you and are committed to your well-being can be just as helpful as a trained professional, sometimes more so. Peer counselling has proven to be very beneficial.

Good luck!

Disneyland · 29-03-2011, 02:18 AM

I'm not her teacher, she's my teacher. Haha. One recitation a week.

I thought most hotlines did have tracing equipment? That'd be nice if they didn't. Maybe I wouldn't be so reluctant to call, lol. I'll still let her be my lifeline, though. It's always good to know someone face-to-face who understands.

Thanks, guys. <3

Prairie Gal · 29-03-2011, 02:33 AM

Oh well... she's your teacher. It's totally appropriate for her to support you! It's her job to help you.

Disneyland · 29-03-2011, 02:37 AM

Not generally in this sort of way though, lol. Even she was worried when she confronted me about the cutting if she was overstepping her role as my TA.

Prairie Gal · 29-03-2011, 02:45 AM

Yes, I know. That's how crazy our world has gotten. I'm from a different generation and a different country where it's still OK to step out to help and care about our students personally.

What a wonderful and brave woman to go beyond her comfort zone and do the politically incorrect but morally right thing!

Such a woman will heal more hearts than that psychiatrist, believe me.

Disneyland · 29-03-2011, 03:03 AM

I hope so-- I already trust her a lot, lol. I never expected her to actually come and pick me up at midnight and take me to her place to make sure I wouldn't hurt myself anymore. I felt relieved that I know her, but I was freaking out the whole time about how I shouldn't have even put her in that position, so I worried even more after the psych. said that, lol.

needle girl · 29-03-2011, 03:21 AM

I'm sure she'd rather have come and pick you up than the alternate.

:)