Guys, I really need your help and support right now. I know it's selfish to ask and I feel bad about it even as I'm writing this, but I can't do it myself at the moment.
I know that I really need to stop and can't go on like this because of various reasons. My left arm is numb so I really can't even do it anymore where I want to, which makes it even worse and makes me move to..worse locations. (I hope that's really not tip sharing).
But I don't want to stop. I'm doing an internship at an elementary school, and a girl from second grade had cut her hand on the weekend (by accident) and had to get stitches, and I got so insanely jealous. I wanted that to happen to me as well and as I walked home I was thinking about doing it so I could get stitches as well. But I know I can't get stitches where I am right now because if I did I'd end up in the psych hospital, and I really don't want to/can't go there, cause I'd lose my internship and it's really important to me.
Anyway, I guess I'm only asking for the obvious, but what is really most helpful for YOU when you get such bad urges? I've already read like every thread about things to do instead of cutting, but nothing jumps out at me. Maybe someone could show me a way from a different angle so I'd see it as helpful? Because I've tried and tried and tried and in the end I end up doing it anyway.
I really want myself to get to the point where i'm not like "I don't want to stop, I WANT to continue, I WANT it to get worse" but where it's more like "okay, I know I have urges and it's bad, but I could do this and that and because I want to get better, I'll try and not cut".
Please. Just. anything will be fine. If someone has been in a similar situation and has some..words or advice or whatever that has helped them...something uplifting..something that shows me it will get better..because it doesn't look like it ever will for me right now.
Thanks for reading. Should anyone have made it this far.
don't feel guilty about asking for support. it isn't selfish, and thats what we're all here for.
have you tried any of the things that you've seen suggested? even if one doesn't pop out, alot of them might still help with the urge if you started doing them. and you may end up finding something unexpected that you really like.
this is my magical medicine cabinet. Left to right they contain: courage, hope, calmness, and strength.
The magical part: They NEVER run out, so borrow some any time you want.
Just because I'm smiling it doesn't mean I'm Happy
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: I'm not actually sure about that.
I am currently:
If you get to that point, it becomes SO hard to turn back. Think of the reasons you need to stop. You could try drawing etc, trying to express your feelings without cutting. Helps me. Good luck. :)
thanks. I've slept for a bit, which seemed to help.
also wrote down all the feelings I could think of I was feeling at that moment, which was helpful as well, since I can never identify them and just feel overwhelmed by the situation.
any. other suggestions?
Just because I'm smiling it doesn't mean I'm Happy
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: I'm not actually sure about that.
I am currently:
cant think of any right now, but youll be the first to know when i do. *big hugs* Glad writing things down helped, it can be so hard to think what your actual feeling are sometimes. :) Good luck.
I can really really understand how you feel right now.
I am just not ready to stop. I can't imagine knowing that I could never hurt myself again but the potential consequences of carrying on are so big. I also can't carry on cutting where I want to (I'm a medical student and in hospitals there is a 'bare below the elbows' policy and in surgery I have to wear scrubs) and am running out of room in my second best places.
I'm afraid I don't really have a solution to the dilemma. If you find one please let me know. The only thing that has ever helped me is learning that I can ride out the urges. They do go away eventually and then even if they come back beating one is a step in the right direction. Along with that comes thinking about the pros and cons of cutting right then. For me they often come as I'm really tired and going to sleep so I have to decide whether it's worth delaying going to sleep to give into the urge.
Good luck with your internship.
Always seem to get things just that little bit wrong.
"don't wish, don't start, wishing only wounds the heart"
Dont worry, You are not alone. I have stopped self harming for 3 weeks and it is the hardest thing i have done in my life :/
I have also looked through the lists of thigns but nothing stood out.
Instead i have been eating & Sleeping alot :s Sleeping works but its a bad idea since i am now always late for school & my sleeping patterns are fked.
Eating is comforting but can turn bad.
I find that screaming into my pillow helps & also getting a pen and drawing all over my arms helps too
xx
much love x Pm if you want
"This girl's seen a lot of pain but this girls gunna smile again, she knows that a flower grows everytime
It rains and this girls got a lot of dreams, she knows that tommorrow aint what it seems, she might not solve a mystery tonight...
But this girls gunna be alright"
