Positive recovery post - Had therapy today and it was amazing

[a_soul_that_never_was]

this is the first time I have posted in here as a positive recovery. The last two months have been an utter hell on earth. I really believed it was going to kill me. Today I went to therapy and my therapist didnt just adjust meds but stopped to listen to me. It was all confusing with the questions. She said some people need to talk about past child molestation and others dont. She asked me and I told her I was on the line but my mind was making the decision for me. I showed her a picture of a self cutter I found online. When I found that picture I felt so connected like that was me. As I explained it to my therapist she finally go what makes my cutting tick. We agreed next week we will start talking about the painful things that bother me so much. When I got home we had to go out shopping. I went in one store alone and picked up my tools I always use and was going to get my sleep script. before i even got to the counter i put the tools down. yeah me first time. the incredible urge was still there but i did it. then we came to the second store and again i went straight to my tools. arms full i stood there for a great deal of time. one by one i put them back. i hear a clapping behind me and its my gf. not only was i proud of myself but she knew what it took to do that. Im not saying i wont again. im not saying tomorrow. what i am saying is its one step at a time for me and today was a success. I had been cutting dangerously deep and in areas where more veins are. I have not had the desire to hurt myself today. what i needed i got from therapy today. another thing i needed was turning around and hearing my gf clap for what i had just done. I see hope where once there was none. i know there will be ups and downs along the way but now i know i can walk away from those tools. i just have to keep reminding myself. thank you all for your encouragement, kind words, ideas, listening, and sympathy for my post. If it wasnt for posting in here and reading the replies I wouldn't have been able to hang on so long. Together we can beat this. one day at a time. For now im one day cut free well offically two days now lol. Stay safe and IM SO PROUD OF MYSELF !!!!!!

[castaway]

Thats amazing! Well done! I'm so glad to hear this

[Laura2.0]

I'm proud of you.

[crazykat]

Well done hun

[one_step_closer]

That's great to hear!

[a_soul_that_never_was]

Thank you everyone. I know this will be a lifetime battle and knowing that gives me power. I may fall but I know now also I can get back up. I truly mean it when I say recoveryourlife has been my sanctuary for so long. Every post was nothing but caring hopeful replies. I will continue to come here. Just as in therapy you need support and this is my only outlet. Maybe I can even start helping others here. Even if its just I hear you and your words have meaning if it can help im there to say it. I am so excited. this has been a long painful journey i have fought off and on for so long. I didnt think i was going to make it out of this one. I dont know what happened in therapy to turn things around for me all i need to know is whatever it worked. Maybe it was the first time facing my demons maybe it was showing the picture and my therpist finally getting how much pain i was in. there is a song that is very uplifting its called you raise me up. everyone should listen to it. anyways i really just want to thank you. i hope i dont let myself or my fellow harmers down by slipping again. positive thoughts only though. stay safe

[lonely_hope]

You're doing awesome! *hugs* Keep up the great work :) It's so good you have a positive outlook on this :)