I need a pity party! On Monday Mat and I were at Maccas having a late brunch before we went to check in at our second hotel (we stayed at seaworld resort the first few days). Mat was waiting in the car for me while I quickly went to the loo... when I came out I was walking to the car and I slipped on the yellow curb thing they had between my car and the rest of the carpark. My left ankle rolled so i put my right foot down to catch myself and... SNAP! Literally. I collapsed on the ground screaming. I managed to re break my right ankle in 3 places. Two years ago I broke it in five places, this time I broke it in 3. Over 20 years I went with never breaking a bone and within two years i've broken the same ankle twice and with multiple breaks both times!
I'm in the hospital. They had to put me under general anaesthetic to manipulate the bones so they were straight. And when the swelling has gone down I have to have another operation and get it pinned into place. Mat and I have been trying to get our flights changed to a direct flight from here to hobart and managed to get one. Had to put it on the credit card though and i ddin't have enough on mine to do so. Couldn't get hold of my nan so we've had to borrow it off mat's parents to book it. We're paying them back as soon as we get into Hobart but I feel so bad even asking. They've done so mcuh for me and i'm just a giant screw up!
Mat and I will be getting some of our holiday reimbursed at least but still... trust me to ruin our holiday by being clumsy :( We only got to go to Seaworld. Didn't do anything else :( I feel so ****. On top of that i'm really high on morphine and stuff everything is fuzzy (can't see straight) it's really easy to fall into the dark. I sent Mat back to the hotel (he's been by my bedside since it happened) cause he is so tired... and now i'm here ... blaming the whole ****ing mess on myself. :( I ****ing hate this.
This has turned into a really long rant about me feeling sorry for myself!
So yes. Please. PITY ME dammit.
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
*leaves some cake, streamers and sparkles and starts blowing up the balloons before nearly collapsing and going for a cigarette instead*
Seriously though Jess, I think you have every right to be upset and feel disappointed. It sucks that your ankle is broken again but it will get better and you and Mat will have other, wonderful holidays together (although from now on maybe he should make you wear a protective suit or something :p ). There is no need or reason to beat yourself up for breaking your ankle. Unfortunately these things happen and usually at the worst times. Try and focus on the fantastic few days you had at Sea World and maybe start looking at fun things you and Mat could do with the reimbursement once your ankle is better.
Had muscle spasms all last night so was in fairly large amount of pain. Also had nightmares that mat left m here last night. Somebody he no longer cares for is with his parents right now and he was pretty convinced they were... suggesting a negative reaction. I'm paranoid that people are gonna think I did this on Purpose or something. There are easier ways to get attention... Like throwing myself under a bus! Probably hurt less too.
Also worried mats parents will hate me. Ive cut contact with them so theyre not in an awkward position. But maybe they think im doing it cause I dint care bout them. That's not true, his parents are wonderful. Its just better if i stay away! Better for everyone.
Im hurting. Theyve cut my pain killers down cause im spose to fly and can't do that, high morphine. I'm gonna try sleep bit more now.
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
Jess, this was an accident, probably due to weakened tissue fromthe previous break. If his parents where not ok with lending the money, they would have said no and left you to sort it.
Did you have any type of travel insurance?
Just be thankful, that least you where in a hospital that spoke the same language hehe.
Rest up and stop feeling guilty. Plus, dont make any descsions, as morphine greatly interacts with how you feel. When I have it, I cry like a baby for about 3 days, yet I never cry normally ha.
I've been admitted to the royal Hobart hospital. Spent 3 hours in the waiting room which has increased the swelling i had which made the pain worse etc etc. They re xrayed my ankle and I was like "they made a mistake right? Is just a sprain..." no such luck.
Supposed to have surgery this afternoon. More pins. HuzA.
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
Jess, you know deep down that it will happen. They dont do surgery for nothing and so if you need it it will happen. Try to put it out of your mind. Ask them not to wake you till they know if its a yes or no. 9:30 sounds like a nice lie in. If it s a no, they can wake you with breakfast and you can get on as a normal day.
Hospital sucks, believe me I know. But least while your there, you know you are in good hands. Meals delivered, meds taken care of and help with things like showering if required. Maybe even set some goals, for example, to watch/read certain things whilst you have the time and such.
Had surgery yesterday. Was supposed to be 45 minutes... Was two hours. The old fracture hadn't healed correctly. So now I have a seven screw plate, two wires and some more screws in. Was in so much pain after the surgery they gave me ketamine. I can't take paracetomol. So they couldn't give me tremadol which doesn't have many side affects. Anyways. The ketamine helped. Alot! Dropped my pain from 10 to 5. Unfortunately a few hours later the side affect hit. Terror. I was hallicinating. Disconnected from my body. Hysterical and terrified. It was awful. Mathew had just left but I couldn't remember him leaving and I thought something awful had happened. I was too afraid to ring for the nurses but they were checking on me consistently and found me huddled in the bed bawling my eyes out and squeezing my stuffed polar bear like she was the last thing I'd ever see. I don't remember clearly what happened after that. They stopped the ketamine after they spoke to the anesthetist and then one of them stayed with me while it was wearing off. I do remember them asking if I wanted them to call mathew for me. I said no because it would have worried him to much. I kept freaking out for ages. Once it was wearing off the nurse with me went to finish her rounds. I spiked again but not as extreme. It went up and down alot for awhile and then started to ease. Then i needed to hear Mathews voice so i rang him. Just as he picked up my fear spiked again. He started to freak out but a nurse came
In and asked if she could help explain and i gave her the phone so she could do that. After she explained she gave the phone back and mat asked what I needed. I told him i just needed to hear his voice and asked if he could just talk to me. And he did. It was just what I needed. Holding on to Miss cuddles (polar bear) and letting his voice soothe my soul I finally got calm. I started to drift off and kept almost dropping my phone. He promised he would come down to see me today even if I told him not too. And while we were on the phone together I remembered that when i was waking up from the surgery I kept asking for him. Last time i asked for my mum and my grandma. This time i just kept asking for mat. I told him that everything in me loves him. I think it made him happy.
Anyways I'm done rambling. The morphine is makin me a bit sick so i'm gonna try and sleep a bit more. It's not even five am yet!!!
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
Sorry to hear that things are down on you for a bit...but you know what??? I think the down time, albeit painful, is a good thing for you right now...keep the company coming, love yourself and be patient. I hope they have everything sorted for you. STAY OFF YOUR FOOT and REST.
