Therapy today always end up bad triggering

[a_soul_that_never_was]

I know I need therapy. I am the one who sought out help a long long time ago. As the last two months have passed i have become a very real danger to myself. Not only have i gone deeper but now i have an infection and my dr wont see me because my insurance wont pay until july. I cant say Im scared about having to talk. It will be very hard for me but my therapist has been focusing on my meds for the last two months and says well deal with the hard stuff when my meds are right. okay that would be a good plan if i wasnt declining. I bring her proof how bad my harming has gotten. she says she worries but its back to meds. i remember everything that happened to me all my life and it was something out of nightmares. Now I got new flashbacks lasting longer and longer and i dont sleep much but when i do its not even an hour and i wake up beating myself. I know in my nightmare i am fighting someone off. I really need to talk about this in therapy. i dont have a choice who i can go to its just the med thing grrrr. Ive got past and new unknown past hitting me all at once and all i feel like is my soul is being ripped to shreds and my heart torn apart by pain. there is major storms raging in my head. ive even begged to go in the hospital but they dont admit cutters. So what am I suppose to do? Go to far? I harm I dont want to die

[lonely_hope]

I'm sorry things are so tough right now :( But it's good you're keeping up with therapy, and know you need it. Do you try to distract yourself when you start having flashbacks? Maybe getting out of the area could help. Or putting all your concentration into something else... like picking up little details about your surroundings.

It is so good you want to live through this! With that determination, you most certainly will :) We're all here to support as well; always feel free to send a message if you need to talk.

*hugs and love*