So close to giving up

lilrenthefox · 15-03-2011, 06:26 PM

[i]'m so close to just giving in...for those of you who don't know me [i]'m 21 and in the nursing program. [i] have recently been having a major issue and it's becoming very hard to resist that blade's call.

My instructor has really been triggering me lately, she jumps all over the place in our book and [i] just don't know what to do. She gives out study guides and study ?'s but she never puts ANY of those same questions on the exams...

[i] feel like there is no hope, [i] need some sort of outlet. [i] have studied for hours upon end and my instructor tells me [i]'m a disappointment. This is very hurtful to me as [i] was a straight A student until [i] hit her class! She has power points on our school's website that are supposed to help us out and give us something to go by in class but she always pulls something else from somewhere else and tests us on things that are not in our books! We took an exam yesterday and 4/38 passed. [i] can't eat, [i] can barely sleep, [i] need to call the crisis line but [i]'m in class. [i] can't stand this, [i] need someone to hug me right now but [i] have to wait until [i] get home and then i gotta wait till my husband gets home. this instructor has never given me an A on any of my assignments, aka drug cards, even when i copied an A student's cards she gave her an A and me a C...she's totally unfair and i know i shouldn't let her get to me and i should be confident in myself but i'm not around her. she makes me feel about an inch tall and so stupid i could kill myself

my ex best friend's husband and i are talking again and it's painful to talk to/see him bcuz i miss what me and MJ (friend's nickname) had, but i really like having someone besides my husband to talk to. i have no girl friends bcuz i usually **** it all up. theres' a girl at school that i have told about my harming disorders and i'm scared everyday someone else will find out. she was so nice though, but i'm terrified to trust her.

i also feel that me and my husband's sex life has gone down the drain, i have no time to cuddle and kiss and do all the wonderful things that married couples do bcuz i'm always stressed and studying. he's a man and he has needs and i'm afraid i won't satisfy them, he gets angry when his testosterone levels get too high and i don't blame him. i feel unfocused and totally helpless.

i keep getting flashbacks of my car accident that happened in december and i am afraid when i drive, i'm so scared someone will hit me again.

my parents keep at me to get back on my lexapro but i really don't think i need it and even if i did it's really expensive bcuz i don't qualify for the free meds. i wish i did...i really wanna go back and see my therapist again but i'm scared to since i'm in medical school. i call the crisis line when i need to talk but i really need some sort of treatment.

i guess i needed somewhere to rant and to have others around me that know what i'm feeling. i just can't stop thinking about that blade and how it would make everything better...any advice would be appreciated. Thanks

PassedExpectations · 15-03-2011, 09:57 PM

maybe you could keep a log of what the teacher says to study, and then what she does during class, so that you could go talk to her and be able to show her that shes being inconsitant. you could also go in and see if she'd go over the tests with you afterward and explain what she was looking for and where she got the answer from. if that doesn't work, then you could write an email or talk to someone else who is above her and let them know whats going on. 4 out of 38 passing is something i think that the school would want to know about. also, maybe you could see if you could switch to the same class but with a different teacher.

Laura2.0 · 15-03-2011, 10:07 PM

I suggest you talk with her and ask her if she could take a look at your test and tell you what you should have done different.

My stepdad had the same problem once. He copied from a straight A student and got an F for the same work. He told the teacher that he would go to the headmaster if he got treated in an unfair way again.
( I don't think blackmailing your teacher is a good idea though.)

lilrenthefox · 16-03-2011, 04:57 AM

Yeah, blackmail will get me expelled here :P I'm trying so hard thanks for the support you two

bellaboo55 · 14-04-2011, 07:54 AM

cami you should go higher then her and tell them wat your teacher is doing to you.she is not being fair to you at all.
you no you can all ways talk to me since im on facebook alot and you no you can inbox me anyitime.
i think you should stay away from MJ and her husband since she did do alot to you in the past i dont think she is worth hangin around.
you are not hopeless you are just going threw a tought time right now and it will pass and you and your husband will get back to how you 2 use to be before.
you may not have girlfriends but you no you have me if you not wat i mean.just remember family all ways sticks together and one day ill have to make it up to see you and i can promise we will have a good time.
dont give in cuz of your teacher she really is not worth it all.i did ask if i could help but you said i couldnt and be good.

bella