Contains Suicide - My Grandfather Died and I'm Feeling Dangerous...

[pea soup]

He died last week. I went through the motions like a robot.

I got to see Keith which was nice. But now that I'm home, reality has set in.

My family is dying off at a rapid rate and the thought of suicide is scary. I keep thinking that I can't stand anymore pain from loved ones dying and if I'm gone, I won't have to experience anymore. I know it's extremely selfish.

But my death would affect so many people and I can't do that to them.

My sadness and depression is overwhelming. I feel so heavy with grief.

It feels like as soon as I feel as if I'm recovering from one death, another one happens.

I'm scared of my feelings. I know I won't hurt myself and that's the scary part, living with the feelings. Suicide isn't scary. Living is scary.

I'm sorry I haven't been here to support anyone. I don't have anything to offer. I'm really really low. I know it will pass but I live everyday with the burden of who will die next. It feels so horrible and I don't want to live this way.

Thanks for listening.
Love you guys.
xxxxxxxxxxxx

[Casper_Fading]

Hey honey, I deal with deaths really badly so I know how hard it is. BUT I also know that it eases. The grief fades. joyful memories come to the fore and you remember them how they were :)

*cuddles*

[~Grace~]

Im sorry about your grandfather Rachel...snuggle xx

[Laura2.0]

I'm sorry about your grandfather. *hugs*

I'm failing at dealing with death, so I don't have any advice to offer.. sorry

[ˈsäləˌterē]

I'm so sorry Rach! Love you hun! I'm really proud of you!

[girlvertiginous]

I'm sorry about your grandfather. Death is always hard to deal with and I hear you when you say it keeps happening - that's obviously going to make it feel a lot worse for you. It will get better, though. I see you have a son - perhaps spending some extra quality time with him would help you to feel better about life. I often find myself losing sight of the good things I still have in life after somebody dies, and spending time with people I love helps me, maybe it can help you too :)
Our lives are important. YOUR life is important. I know you can get through this, and you know there's always support here if you need it.
xxx

[Pomegranate]

How are you holding up? *leaves some cuddles* xx

[*Kelly*]

I'm sooo sorry baby. I'm always here for you. I really wish you could talk to me more.
You know I love you sooo damn muches!
No matter what..Always and Forever!

You can get through this babygirl

You're soo strong and I'm very very proud of you!! !!