something the nurse said and other stuff

[sherbet lemon]

so im getting really fed up with people lately. i was like 3weeks free and then i slipped up :( i slipped up bad to be honest as i had to go and get seen to by the nurse and then hadda get stitches!! but to be honest the nurse was a complete ass she made me feel like crap. she kept saying that she didnt understand why i smart girl like you would do that to yourself... and she sees a lot of other people come in here with illnesses that they have no control over and stuff.

she made me feel really guilty and like i hadnt even been trying which i have been for gods sake, no one understands that take a year ago i was hurting myself nearly every day (sometimes twice a day :( and had to get medical attention numerous time also)

also my mum doesnt trust me either not even with a safety pin for gods sake, i was pinning a flower to my bag and bought a box of them as i couldnt find any and of course she threw the whole box out, and threw out a sewing needle and stuff too and constantly is going through my stuff and searching my bedroom :( i dont no what to do anymore

and to be honest im sick of asking for help i was at the psychiatrist and he said i would be going back to see the cpn or psycholgist soon and i have still not heard anything and ive been trying to get to see someone since like xmas i feel like giving up as no one even cares and that i shouldnt even be asking for help that i just should go away hurt myself and leave everyone alone



sorry its so long

[-phoenix-]

Dont let them make you feel guilty. Self harm is a disease in itself, hard to control or manage. Its not like people intentionally choose to do this. I dont really know what to say except, you are just as deserving to medical help, that nurse probably thought she was saying the right thing. They often think its something you can just snap out of and stop doing. Im sorry things are hard at home too, maybe you can try talking to your mum? Explain that taking the objects doesnt change things, you will still be feeling what you do. I hope you'll be ok? If you need to talk im here okay...xXx

[The One Who]

Whilst it is not pleasant to hear, the nurse probably doesn't have direct experience of depression. Her job means she will see some pretty horrible things, and it can be hard to understand why a person would choose to intentionally harm themselves when there are others going through terrible illnesses that they have no choice over. I cannot agree with the above post, in my opinion self-harm is always a choice.

Your mum is probably worried and trying to make things safer for you. It is incredibly painful for a parent to watch their child hurt so much that they need to harm themselves. If you talk to her it might make it easier for her to understand.