I can't believe this is triggering me...

ITryMyBest · 10-03-2011, 01:42 AM

So I am upset right now because my school music director asked me to play in the pit for our spring musical and I just got the music, but it's hard.
I could turn it down, but I'm the best player that doesn't actually have a role in the play, so I don't want to do that to him. Plus I have a friend who is also my flute teacher, and she's really proud of me for stepping up and doing this. I look up to her so much and just can't let her down. As it is, she's helping me with my cutting, so the least I can do is this, so she's happy with me. Plus I really want to play in the pit, so I'm not just trying to please other people.
I just sightread the music, and it's really hard. Harder than I'd expected it to be. I don't know if I'll be able to learn it and play it right.
Why is this triggering me? It's such a stupid thing to worry about, I know. But I really don't want to cut myself right now. It's been so long since I've gone a week without cutting. I don't know what to do.

Dita · 10-03-2011, 02:36 AM

Stick with it, I know you can. It's not silly at all for something stressful to be triggering, even if it something that you really enjoy. If you do give in, cutting will be all that you are able to think about whenever you sit down to practice, and you definitely don't want to ruin something you're so gifted at. Stay strong. Message me if you want to talk <3

GlitterTrashDoll · 10-03-2011, 02:58 AM

Its not silly at all, something stressful like this can be triggering. Stay strong because we and you both know that you can do it, and when you do do it you'll be insanely proud of your accomplishment and will be glad that you stuck through it and managed to do it. It might seem like an impossible task now, but I promise you that you will be able to it.

ITryMyBest · 10-03-2011, 03:02 AM

Thank you both, I've decided to just step away from my flute for a bit in order to calm down, and it seems to be helping. This is the first time in two weeks that I've freaked out without cutting myself. That's what's keeping me from doing it right now. I'm going to stick with it. You're right; I'll just ask my friend/flute teacher to help me, I guess.