i cant even begin to write whats wrong, or where to start.
ive been listening to loud music for the past 5 hours, pacing around my kitchen, trying to calm down.
all i wanna do is crumble, to fall apart, to scream, cry, hurt myself.
i cant i gotta pretend im alright.
god thats all i wanna do, n its killing me that i cant,
so much stuff in my brain, too much is coming to the surface now, n i cant cope.
im scared.
i know theres loadsa of ppl out there who will feel like this, thats why im here, i dont expect ppl to respond,
i dont ever expect anything.... i just didnt know where to go...
i think that after five hours of trying the same thing, its probably time to try something different. take a different approach. what other things could you try? maybe you could go to the distractions list to get some ideas.
is there a reason that you can't scream? theres no reason that you have to lock all your emotion inside and let it torture you. maybe you could scribble or write out everything, without thinking about what you're writing, or worrying about making it logical or neat or all that.
letting people know that you are having difficulties doesn't make you weak, and it can get you really valuble support. even if you don't get much help, keeping everything a secret is a real burden, and it can be really releiving to get it in the open
this is my magical medicine cabinet. Left to right they contain: courage, hope, calmness, and strength.
The magical part: They NEVER run out, so borrow some any time you want.
Like what PastExpiration said, do you think you could find something else to help? If what you're doing isn't working out for you, it could be a good thing to explore new ideas for something that would help :) When I'm triggered, I like to play guitar or write poetry. Getting out of the house can be helpful too. I also draw on myself with a red marker/pen sometimes, since it is the general color of blood, but doesn't do any harm. I've also heard holding an ice cube to your skin works pretty well... it causes some pain, but also doesn't do damage.
I'm sorry you're having such a tough time :( You're not alone in this though. It isn't any fun to pretend everything is alright when nothing is *hugs* Is there anyone you can talk to so you could let out what's going on?
I really hope you're doing alright! Never hesitate to send a message if you want to talk
*hugs and love*
"God take me, because I hate me" -Underoath
We are male and female. We are artists, athletes, and students. We have depression, PTSD, eating disorders, bipolar disorder, or maybe no diagnosis at all. Some of us were abused, some not. We come from all walks of life and can be any age. We are every race or religion that you can think of. Our common link is this: We are in pain. We self-injure. And we are not freaks.
I'm trying to cope ATM with all feelings of being abused when I was younger by a family member. Ive blocked so many things away, I need to fall a mess and a I can't. It killing my more n more everyday.
X
Do you have professional support for the feelings surrounding the abuse?
If you have been trying to calm yourself down in one way for five hours, it's probably time to try a different method of calming yourself. How about journaling, painting, drawing, breathing exercises?
