Relentless..*triggering**SI*

adygriffith · 07-03-2011, 04:35 AM

I'm lying here with my head pounding like a tribal drum,each beat seems to hit the skin harder,the noise and intensity rise until it can't take anymore,the skin rips,the beat carries on damaging the drum more and more,it begins to fall apart.to look at it you wouldn't recognise it for what it use to be,now it's just a worthless mess that cant be used for anything.
The player of the drum is depression and it won't stop beating me until my skin rips :(

I cut and it doesn't feel enough :( I hate not sleeping.

PassedExpectations · 07-03-2011, 12:53 PM

how are you today? im sorry that you had such a terrible time last night.

and i wanted to let you know that your writing is very very good.

ProzacSmile · 07-03-2011, 01:03 PM

I feel like that sometimes. Lying awake in the middle of the night with cutting on your mind. Feels like its running through you and won't escape til you cut. I usually get out of bed and have a cigarette and a hot cup of tea. Just that distraction seems to help and by the time i go back to bed i'm tired. is there any kind of distraction you can try?

adygriffith · 07-03-2011, 01:50 PM

Hi all,

I ended up going for a walk at 4am and didnt get back till 5.30am, i then slept for 2hours.
I hate the nights so much at the moment, because everything seems to drop on me like a weight that i cant push. I guess its the same for alot of people.

I try and distract myself in so many ways, but the trouble comes when i know im doing it as a distraction, my mind doesnt seem to switch, so i end up cutting.

Sorry all
x

Laura2.0 · 07-03-2011, 03:09 PM

Hi,
I know what you mean when you say 'my mind doesnt seem to switch'. It's the same for me.
I find it helpful to write out all the thoughts either in my diary or as email or in R/V