struggles

[Stellata]

Some of you may know that I'm having struggles with the situation at work.
To be as unspecific as I can, there is a restruture due to budget cuts, and job cuts will happen. My job will be changing, and redundancy is basically my only option, given my struggles and situation.

Things have been a bit misfiring on the workplace communication front.
But I got the 'proper' letter this afternoon.
They can't confirm anything until after the restructure proposals have been approved or whatever the Committee decides, the middle of next month.

That's another month to hang on and not know.
And it is tearing me up inside.
I am trying to move through the grief/loss process. And having some kind of official notification would help. Damn it!
I want to get on and rebuild my life/career. And it's all up in the air.

My managers know why I have to do what I am, but of course in the larger official scheme of things I am just a bunch of numbers and a job title. And a very menial grade of one come to that.

I'm so tired. Tired of flowing with the rage and the tears.

I need... understanding. A bit of empathy. Validation. Please.

[startingagain]

Are you actively looking for a job at the moment? It would help you to feel more in control if you found something and then resigned.

[Stellata]

Thanks - I've been waiting until I knew a date! I am seeing a careers advice person tomorrow, so I'll see what happens there.
I'm trying to figure out what is best for me, health wise. Because this prolonged stress isn't doing my emotional or physical health any favours at all.

[startingagain]

I'm sure they can help.

[Stellata]

I hope so! Thanks. :)
I've also emailed around all who I can think of for advice/help/a listening ear. Although only one replied. My manager, no words back. What if she's decided to ignore me now? She's probably just busy. But.
I just feel so so so awful. It's hard to put it into words how awful this all feels.
And being on my own scares me. I've sat in the kitchen with my flatmate and her son since they got home.
I'm taking Quiet Life tablets. My GP has approved this in the past, and I'll see what she says tomorrow. I'm pushed to the edge of my 'overwhelm threshold'.

[dollpart]

Good luck with the job search. It's amazing that you are making positive steps like that when you're feeling emotionally shaky.
x

[Stellata]

I haven't started job searching yet!
I might need to buy some concealer for under my eyes if I do. I have that 'stressed out, haven't been sleeping right and have been crying a lot' look about me.... But thanks. :) I can only try...

[Stellata]

I 'have to' get through this. But I don't know how.

[roiben]

*wraps arms around Katie and cuddles*

I am sorry that things are dragging on so much right now. I think it may be a good idea to sit down with the careers advisor and decide the type of things you would like to look for going forward - something with the level of creativity that you need.

I think once you know that, you can begin to look at the market. It is a slow one for most jobs at the moment, but will help to feel that there is some level of controll and some action is being taken, even while you wait for the official consultation results.

Although I know, and appreciate that job-seeking in itself is incredibly stressfull, I think the activity and sense of doing something about things will help to balance that out.

Do, in the mean time, ensure you look after yourself. You are going through a lot of stress, and it is bound to wear you down. It does have an end point though, so for the time being, lets focus on ensuring we can help get you to then?

Thinking of you, and really wishng there was more I could do to help.

Roiben x

[Stellata]

Thanks Roiben.

I saw the advisor this afternoon, but do have to go back once I've revamped my CV and started research. There are a bunch of questions I didn't get to ask, and she was running very late. I think she was sort of out of her depth with me.