Bit of a Slip

[dollpart]

This should maybe be in the Substance Abuse forum, not sure...

So, as posted before, I have been really very okay since about Friday. And it could be medication, or general, or counselling, or life being generally better. And none of those things are bad, and it's been good feeling better

But

it seems a drinking problem doesn't disappear just because you don't drink for a while. Sounds either stupid or obvious but... The good mood started last Thursday, with a few drinks. And Friday and Saturday. On Sunday I woke up *needing* one, and I wish I meant "wanting" but I don't. Went for one, had 5. And... again yesterday. Only a few, really. But after 5 continuous days I felt a bit ill when I woke up. This morning I woke up not feeling great anyway (nightmares. After work I felt it again and I went to the pub between paid work and volunteering. And on the way home I realised I needed to buy more...

It doesn't help anything, I know.
It will not prolong the happiness, it will kill it.

I know how much I need to steer clear, only I didn't expect it to be hard anymore.

Does it get easier? Am I alone?

[dollpart]

i'm sorry by the way for my slips and blips clogging up the forum
x

[Pomegranate]

You have absolutely no need to apologise! I truely believe that it is possible to overcome a substance abuse issue. I also think that a massive part of doing that is unfortunately slipping and coming back from it having learned coping mechanisms so that next time the slip is not as bad or is over more quickly. I suspect that once someone has suffered from an alcohol or substance abuse problem that they are more likely to turn to it further down the line and it may possibly be something that they need to continue to be aware of. I don't think that is the same as it never changing and I also don't think it means that there will never be a time in the future when you will be able to just have a drink or two and then stop. People overcome these problems every day and I don't believe that would be possible if it didn't gradually get easier.

I think you have a lot of strength and courage to be addressing this. Try not to be too hard on yourself about the slip because whilst the medication does seem to be affecting you positively and you know logically it is a good thing, the fear of it not lasting, or even that it will last and not knowing what that will be like can be horrible! That is not to say I think you were right to drink and that you should continue to do so but I do think you should be a little easier on yourself about the slip up xx

[dollpart]

Thanks for your words and support, you give good advice :) has positive-d me a bit.

I know, I am trying to be easier on myself. Trying to keep up the hard work of being at least relatively sober. It's embarrassing how difficult it is... I really thought after everything that had happened, that I was so far past it. I don't think anyone will understand how it can suddenly be hard again.

I am still going to keep working on being OK. I am strong enough to, now. Had counselling yesterday and it was helpful but a bit of it might have triggered the dream, so in turn the afternoon drink today and the worry that I could slip.

But... I don't have to keep slipping.

(it is taking every last shred of willpower not to drink what I bought but i know, know, know that I don't really want it).

x

[tifflehan]

One day at a time. xxx

[dollpart]

i think i need help.
i just ran to sainsburys at top speed because the thought of being drinkless when they stop serving panicked me so intensely.
i spent my bus fares for the morning.
when i got home i was sweating.
i thought that being sensible for a bit meant it was behind me but it isnt.
i am still OK, still dooing well mood-wise.
it isn't self-medicating, it isn't fun, it isn't an attempt to block out my emorions- i am trying to deal with them.
it's need.
really need.

[Pomegranate]

How did you deal with it before when you first started trying to give up? What did you do?