Hi, I'm a newbie, just heard about this website last nite at a meeting.
So me, I'm 36, presently in recovery from bulimia having struggled for over 15 yrs, but having a bit of a set back at the moment and have resorted to self harming. I don't want to get caught up in the cycle but as I am no longer getting the same pleasure from purging my food and I have started cutting my arms instead. Not good and I don't want to get any worse. Anyone got any suggestions/ideas/coping strategies that seem to help?
I cannot say that I am suffering from bulimia or anything that you mention but I do struggle with purging and it's really difficult when you feel that purging isn't quite 'doing it' anymore. Do you know why it is that you feel purging isn't giving you the same 'pleasure' as it once was? Perhaps something has altered in your life or perhaps you've done it for a long time and your body is changing to adapt to this.
I don't know if you are getting any professional help but if you have been struggling for such a long time then it might be worthwhile to seek this. As you probably know, bulimia can have a negative impact on your body so at the very least, a GP might be a good idea. They can direct you in the best way, to help you and support you with what it is that you're coping or whyever you hurt yourself.
Hiya. I am currently receiving all the professional help there is available to me. I'm under local ED team so am seeing pscyhologist weekly, dietitian monthly, and psychiatrist every other month, as well as my GP as & when I need to.
I'm not sure if it's because I'm being more open about my ED and realising that I do want to get better, and by chatting about it more, I'm maybe just realising that it's really not doing anything for me anymore by purging. I don't know. I just find myself angry with the fact that most of the time, despite when I have overeaten, I don't actually physically want to purge. I know that's a good thing, I can see that, but at the same time I'm so angry with myself for feeling like that that I've been cutting myself as another form of release.
Anyway, you mentioned that you struggling with purging as well but you don't have bulimia. In what way do you struggle? I'd like to help you as well if I can.
So do you feel that because you are being more open, you need to have something secretive that you can control? I guess that talking to people means you are letting go of control, in a sense, even though you could see the control as how much you are saying. I might be completely misinterpretting and wrong - tell me if I am - but maybe this is something to think about.
I'm glad that you are getting all the help available to you right now. Do you feel this is working? I wonder if you've mentioned to the people supporting you about your sudden urges to hurt yourself as this might help them to help you.
And I'm okay. Thank you for the offer though :)
(Noticed you're new to RYL so welcome!)
Hhmm, you've got me thinking now about the control thing. Never kind of looked at it like that before.
I'm not sure about the help tbh. Sometimes I think yes, & sometimes I think what's the point. Sure it's good to talk, but i think the most sense has come from dietitian as by following set meals/snacks etc, then this, when I stick to it, definitely lessens the likelihood of me binging and therefore purging.
I have mentioned about the hurting myself but they've basically said it's another way of coping and I need to set myself strategies to put in place when I feel like that.
This is my third round of treatment but I am determined to get better this time. Not just for me, but also for my husband and 2 kids. I've struggled for over 15 years and I'm just truly sick of living this way.
It's positive that you're going to give this round of treatment a proper chance. It's great that you have your husband and your two children to help you through it - do you talk to your husband about this at all? Hopefully they will spur you on, knowingly or unknowingly, when times are hard and recovery seems a little daunting.
It's good you can identify what you feel about help. Sometimes it can feel like you are getting nowhere - especially with talking - even if it does feel good to get things off your chest. Perhaps talking will allow you to confront things, become more open and see things in a different light. Maybe it's early days in regards to getting better, but what you're saying sounds promising, do you think this?
And I'm glad you'll think about the control thing. Maybe you could use what the dietician is telling you (I assume eating healthily and specific meal plans etc etc?) to aid a possible struggle with control.
I'm not sure why you might feel a need to control things, I wonder if you do.
I only recently told my husband about latest episode of s/h, couldn't hide it really. Iinitially he was OK about it, said we'd get there, etc, etc, but then at weekend after a few drinks he gave me a different view!! He has since apologised and said he's struggling to cope with this all as well, and I know he is, but it's just so bl**dy hard for me too. My kids are unaware of everything, to them I'm just grumpy mum. I try my bes to hide cuts from them but any they have seen I have all the usual excuses ready - burned on oven/iron, cat stractches, etc, etc.
I am definitely more in control about my eating, having halved the amount i purge per week at the moment. When I went for treatment this time I was prob purging at least every day or every other day. Weekends are my worst time after I've had a few drinks.
But all in all, I do want to get better and despite having a bit of a blip at the moment, I can still see how far I've come.
Re: control, I don't know. I'm a kind of all or nothing person, don't like to think I've not given whatever I do 110%, anything less is just not me. Both psych & dietitian have both said that I seem to strive for perfection in everything I do.
Last edited by Shambles : 06-03-2011 at 09:50 PM.
Reason: edited to removed number of purges - please see ryl rules
I also struggle with ED problems (along with SI). It's mostly anorexia, but I do tend to purge as well :/
It's really good to hear you don't want to get caught up in the cycle of SI- there's a great start! Realizing what it can end up doing to you at the beginning will surely help you to recover. Maybe you could think of some things to do to distract yourself. Some things I do are listen to music, get out of the house, or write poetry. I also draw on myself with a red marker/pen. It's the color of blood, but doesn't do anything. I've heard holding an ice cube to your skin can also be helpful. The cold creates a bit of pain, but doesn't do harm.
I really hope you're doing well in recovery :) You are definitely not alone in this! Always feel free to send a PM if you ever want to talk :)
*hugs and love*
"God take me, because I hate me" -Underoath
We are male and female. We are artists, athletes, and students. We have depression, PTSD, eating disorders, bipolar disorder, or maybe no diagnosis at all. Some of us were abused, some not. We come from all walks of life and can be any age. We are every race or religion that you can think of. Our common link is this: We are in pain. We self-injure. And we are not freaks.
I'm under local ED team so am seeing pscyhologist weekly, dietitian monthly, and psychiatrist every other month, as well as my GP as & when I need to.
