Quite often I hear people on here say they are trying to quit the SI, but then they cut. Sounds to me like they have instruments for cutting close at hand, such as right in their rooms.
I think if someone tries to quit smoking and we hear that he/she has a pack of cigarettes right beside them, we would doubt that they are seriously trying to quit.
I've been wondering if the first step in quitting might be to remove all instruments of self harm, lock them up if necessary, and trim and file one's fingernails. Give yourselves a chance to be successful.
I don't know anything about quitting smoking, but the thing with SI is that the tools - there is (at least for me) an extremely strong emotional connection to them. I have gotten rid of some of my tools, and it was…*unbelievably hard. I put them in the trash can on garbage day and left for school immediately after because I was terrified that I would dig them back out. It is scary and there is a huge feeling of loss and anxiety.
Second thought: SI is a coping mechanism (unhealthy though it is) and can't just be taken away without first being replaced by healthy alternatives. And due to the how much more secretive SI is than smoking, I assume it is more difficult to find support for quitting SI than quitting smoking (because often very few people around a SI-er know of the self harm). The lack of support makes it harder to change coping methods.
Third thought: What good does it do, really, to get rid of tools? Without cigarettes one can't smoke - but without one's old tools, one can still, most definitely SI. There are limitless ways of harming ones self and if the coping methods haven't been changed, it is very likely that the individual will end up in a situation they can't deal with and will hurt themselves despite the removal of tools.
That's why I think folks don't rush out to get rid of tools and files their nails. It isn't a first priority. Now, don't get me wrong, eventually the tools have to go. But not in the first week, or month. I've been good for almost 2.5 months, and I still have three tools I just can't quite part with yet. :( The first step of quitting SI is to start trying different coping methods (talking, writing, drawing, running, etc.) not throwing away tools, but I can definitely see where you're coming from with this question and I've found that not keeping tools in the most practical places has helped me to not harm. I just haven't quite felt ready to get rid of them for good yet.
Silence can be golden but gold can sometimes suffocate
Like that girl in that James Bond film, too late to respirate
Tragedy can be plain to see with lights and sirens
But sometimes it ain't quite so clear, Domestic Silence
~Scroobius Pip
Also, even if you do get rid of your tools it's really easy to find new ones. I've found at times that nearly anything can be a tool for self harming if used it a certain way. Or perhaps their parents leave their shaving razors in an easy to access bathroom cupboard, or there are steak knives in the kitchen drawers. With smoking there is only one thing you can use, but with self harm the possibilities are only limited to the creativeness of the self harmer. So sometimes people do get rid of their usual tools and end up using something they didn't before consider to be a tool. Also as Rynn said, people can become very attached to their tools and become really anxious if they are taken away.
"Some people get by, with a little understanding. Some people get by, with a whole lot more."
Mmm I tried to get rid of my blades a few times. Each time it lead to aquiring more, or just being really creative. I think in a way, if your mind is programmed to harm, you can turn almost anything into a tool, especially when emotional and desperate. In a way, I found it a safety net when I was trying to stop. Because of the ritual and secrecy that came with them, it made me actually think when I had the urge. Instead of just having the urge and finding the nearest object, whether it meant in private or subtly in public. It was only after being free for 6 months that I was able to get rid of them.
Wake me up before I change again
Remind me the story that I won't get insane
Tell me why it's always the same
Explain me the reason why I'm so much in pain.
Thing is, that as people have said, if you want to hurt yourself, you will always find a way. There are so many things that you can use. I don't know if it's just me, but as a self harmer, I look at the most ridiculous, seemingly harmless objects and I can figure out a way to use them to hurt myself in some way.
I also think that the whole throwing away your fags thing is symbolic, it's the start of something, rather than showing you have quit. Really, how hard is it to pop to the shop and buy some more fags? On that note, I quit smoking about 11 weeks ago, and I still carry my lighter in my pocket and have a pack of fags under my bed as well as one in my desk drawer. I've only had one slip up since I quit, and that's with the "temptation".
I personally think that avoiding all "tools", or throwing away all your fags means nothing. I also think that it's better to learn to live with access to them.
Again, maybe I'm not the best person to talk, as I haven't stopped self harming, but I always have something on me that I know I can use, if the need arises. Plus, as has been said, there is something comforting to having your tools. The one time I gave my blades to someone else, because I knew I couldn't throw them away, I ended up going out, on impulse and buying more, and much more dangerous ones.
I threw my pills out, and I ended up ODing anyway, I just bought more. I don't think it's about how close your tools are, I think it's about mindset, and that's going to take more than a trip to the dump to sort out.
Finally, with sharps, there's the question of how do you dispose of them safely? Certainly it's tough if you're trying to hide your SI from parents etc. I have a sharps bin, but not everyone has that luxury.
So yeah, top and bottom of it is that I don't think it's as black and white or as simple as you make out, and actually I find it a little patronising.
/emofail, but it's still what I think.
"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. Make us all feel wonderful. We'll never forget."
I've tried to give up both smoking and self harm. And giving up self harm is a lot harder. As previously stated, there are a lot more things of use for self harm, and if u can get the willpower not to go to the shops and buy cigarettes then u can quit. But when self harm can be done with anything from kitchen knives to razors then its more difficult. I live alone with my son, and I can't exactly take all kitchen knives away. But if i wanted to give up smoking (which i will try again soon) it's easy to take all the cigarettes out of my house to make it a bit easier for me.
~If you look in the mirror and don't like what you see.. you can find out first hand what it's like to be me..~
WhichyWay is my baby sister.. I love you baby girl ^_^
When I chucked my tools out, I found the urge to harm was stronger. I now have some tucked away in a little box. When I feel the urge, I know they're there, but I don't need to use them. Well, not for 7 weeks or so anyways!
SERENITY is my RYL mum.
SOLO is my RYL auntie.
SEFKA is my RYL daughter.
DAYS GONE BYE is my RYL sister.
JEFFERSON.MERIWETHER is my RYL son.
OLINESS is my RYL son.
As others have mentioned, getting rid of tools can be very anxiety provoking. I've experienced this when I tried to get rid of one of my tools. The anxiety was so bad that I went out and bought a replacement tool. My emotional attatchement to that tool was too great at the time to let it go.
Some aren't ready to get rid of their tools yet, but that may not mean they don't want to recover.
I have a little box where I keep my tools. Even if I don't use them, having them there is comforting. Secondly, out of desperation, someone can use anything to hurt themselves, so getting rid of tools doesn't always work.
I've been free for nearly 2 years and I still have a tool stashed in an old purse. I haven't used it in 2 years, haven't touched it in months. Honestly, I'm not sure why I haven't gotten rid of it . . . but it is very hard to get rid of them. Over the time I was cutting, I gave away several tools to trusted friends to help me quit, and it actually just made the urges stronger because I didn't have easy access to a tool now.
It's a mental thing. I'm not sure any of us completely understand it.
Duct tape is like The Force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
Wow! I've learned a lot from your comments. Thanks. I am not someone who does SI or has any inclination to start. What I'm doing is trying to understand a friend of mine who does it but doesnt want to talk about what she does and how she does it. Well, I feel honoured that she's even told me at all. We have discussed how she feels about it and why she does it.
I know it's all very complex, but what's new to me is the info that there is an attachment to the tools and anxiety when they are removed.
.gif "rose")
