Needing someone without telling them...? *contains SI*

[girlvertiginous]

I'm new here so I don't know any of you... nice to meet you all though :)

I feel like I could do with some advice. Can you need someone, without letting them know you need them? Explanation might be useful I guess. I'm at uni at the moment, and in a relationship with a guy who stayed at uni back at home. He's about 250 miles away (and I'm a poor student :P) so I don't get to see him all that much. He's great, by the way :) He knows I've SHed before, though I've only done it once in the year or so I've been with him. Only thing is, I feel as though I'm going backwards a bit at the moment, like I might be slipping back into it. And I think it's because I miss him? It's bad at the moment, I just feel like I need to be with him. And I know that when I'm with him I don't feel the need to SH. But I don't know if that's because he's a distraction when I am with him and there are other reasons, or if it's actually the missing him that's the reason for me wanting to do this again... even though I don't really want to. I guess I feel I need to. I need that feeling again. I don't know. I don't even know if that makes sense, argh.

But I suppose my question is, do you think I should tell him that this is how I'm feeling? Part of me thinks he should know but I also don't want to put that pressure on him. Could really use some help on this one.

Bit of a rant for a first time, sorry
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[Nats]

Hi there and welcome to RYL!!! I guess sharing and caring with him depends on how much you communicated with him before this university forced separation. If you did communicate well with him and he feels like someone who would understand then go ahead.

In the meantime is there counsellors at your university where you could get some extra support from? Are there any clubs such as sporting or the like that you could join? It's a big adjustment that you are going through and getting all the support that you can would be a good self care thing to do.

Well done by the way on how well you have managed so far. Communicating with people around you, building new connections whilst holding onto old connections may benefit you during this difficult time!

Please let us all know how you are going!! LOL

[girlvertiginous]

Okay so I've had a pretty bad couple of days. Slipped up two nights ago and felt like a bit of a failure. But I guess what's done is done and I'm trying to move away from that now... I guess it happens to everyone sometimes.

I got into a relationship with him after I started uni (he'd been a friend for quite some time before) so I'm sort of used to not seeing him. Thanks for the advice though, I think I'll probably talk to him about it. He's coming up in a week anyway so he's going to notice that I slipped up or whatever.

I've been to the counsellors at uni before, they weren't that great, but I am joining the climbing society this week – I figured a bit of exercise and meeting new people can really only be a good thing for me right now.

I think I'm probably going to be okay. Thanks for the advice, it feels pretty good to know there are other people out there who know what I'm talking about.
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