I know that Ian has posted a lot here, and a lot of people know he is struggling.
How he is feeling doesnt seem to be getting better, and i know lots of people here have offered support.
Im on msn to him and hes feeling really bad, im worried he is going to kill himself, the things hes has said to me.
i just dont know what to do he isnt listening to me and im just worried.
so maybe some support would help tonight
"If only everyone could know and live with their inner craziness…people would be fairer and happier." Paulo Coelho
You didn't ask for the thread. You're not an attention seeker, what's your MSN? I'l have a chat with you, and i can explain EXACTLY why suicide isn't the right answer.
You have so much more to live for, you're what? 17? That's a tiny portion of your life mate. I know exactly how you feel, i'm rarther suicidal at the moment as well, but we need to pull through it.
We have no other choice. We can't kill ourselves, you'l be robbing yourself of a fantastic life ahead of you, and you'l be robbing us, and all of your friends and family of a friend or family member, you can't do that.
You feel bad now, and you feel like any future isn't worth it at the moment, well that's because you're thinking of your future in the wrong mind set, when you're recovered (Which you WILL) you'l think back and thank god you didn't do anything.
I believe in you, i'm always willing to chat, you DON'T need to do anything, try anything else but suicide, honestly mate, it's not worth it. Take care pal.
On a long enough time line, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero.
Hey Ian,
you're probably sick of reading my name, but... I just wanted to know that I care about you. And you aren't seeking attention, you are looking for help and there's nothing wrong with that, okay?
Not afraid of crying, sorrow and foe.
Not afraid of falling down below.
To the night, recklessly we fly.
Like living dead, we'll never die
(Children of Bodom~Living dead beat)
hey,
look ur a great guy and you'v got a great future ahead of you, you've just got to be alive to experience it
keep yourself safe and take care
xxxxxxxx
Ian, we're all here to help you get through this. We're not going to give up on you ever, we want to help you through this so you can see the other side. Keep talking to us - and keep yourself safe.
Ian, I can't say much to support you and I'm sorry for that. I just wanted you to know your in my thoughts and you are important to me as you made me feel welcomed here. Sorry I can't help more than this. *big hugs*
But I being poor have only my dreams, I have spread my dreams under your feet ; tread softly as you tread on my dreams.
We are all in the gutter but some of us are looking at the stars.
Don't give up, Ian! You can get through this, I know you can. xo
"When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge - they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I've got a sneaky feeling you'll find that love actually is all around.”
I'm aware that you've been talking to a few people and we are all here to support you, I'm wondering what it is that you've learned through this process, so far? I know myself I've given you some links in the past about other ways to cope without cutting, did you ever look at those? Did you find any of the techniques helpful?
I really want to keep supporting you and see some changes in your mood hun but at the moment I'm not sure what is going on for you. Can you tell us more about what is making you want to die? What is triggering these thoughts and feelings? You've got some real negative emotions coming through and I can tell they must be so hurtful for you, such as feeling unimportant - where do you think that comes from?
What are your parents like, are they able to support you and give you that love and affection that you need? I know sometimes my parents can dismiss me or seemingly ignore me, and that can really affect how I am feeling. How do you think your parents treat you, and can you give any examples to back up how you think they see you?
What is it that makes you feel selfish? I see you a lot around here and you're hardly selfish at all! You're very kind and supportive no matter what you're feeling yourself, and that's really nice of you to be able to look past yourself and show some compassion for other people, so I don't understand why you're feeling selfish at all.
You say you were "so close last night", was there anything in particular that was triggering you? Ian I care about you and I'm really worried about you. Do you see any professional at the moment, such as a counsellor or therapist? Do they know what you're going through?
You seem to think that a lot that things would be so much better if you had died. To be honest I really don't agree with this. If you were to die things wouldn't be better - on the basis you wouldn't be able to feel anything. If you were to be dead, you wouldn't get that relief from this and therefore, it wouldn't be better for you at all. In fact, you'd be getting rid of every opportunity that you've got to get over this, every piece of your future would be gone, and everything you've ever enjoyed doing wouldn't exist for you; because you wouldn't exist. I also ask you to consider that, even if you went through with this, things are unlikely to be better for the people around you. See; How Suicide Affects Those Around You. I used to think that if I died it would be one less burden off people's shoulders. But I've witnessed losing someone to suicide and I can tell you that it only adds the pain a million times over. It doesn't make anything easier for anyone.
Those two links about, please, really really read them. Don't just skim them, I want you to sit down and focus on them, especially the last one, and really consider what suicide actually is. It is not a way to end your pain. It is not a way to get rid of the negative feelings. It is, however, a way to get rid of every chance you have to get better, a way to get rid of your family and friends, and a way to get rid of all the joys in your life. It will effectively just get rid of your future, which is likely to be positive and much contrasting to how you feel now.
I know I have asked you a lot of questions here, and that it was probably a bit heavy, but Ian you're an important person and it's time you reached out and were able to see that, and it's time you let us in a bit more. I would really appreciate if you were able to answer at least some of the questions I have posted, here, and see if that helps you a bit, even if just exploring why you feel like this.
Im reallly not in the bloody mood sorry everyone im really pissed off now aswell i typed loads which i was going to post here. I submitted it and it just dissapeared. God im so fucking annoyed! sorry to swear. No im not very good at all today. My mum is really supportive my dad is but i dont really talk to him much as he always wants to do all the talking it sounds nasty i know but its true.
I had another suicide attempt last night which my parents dont know about. I strangled myself untill i went purple and couldnt breathe but then i stopped right when my time was limited of being alive, i started choking really bad thats how i know i was really near to dying. I have a counseller and i also have these people come to my house. Im selfish because all i think of is myself all the time even when other people are down. That to me is not acceptable. Im deppressed alot to. If im honest im worse today. Im sorry if i havent answered the questions properly. Im better dead because il be out the way then. Also your all better off if im dead.
I know you would be devastated but you would soon see what a scumbag i am. I feel dreadful as in not very good at all. I feel so down alot of the time. I feel like doing something again tonight. As i said im not sure if im allowed to say what i did but if i am i will. What i did was quite bad its only the second time iv tried to kill myself this way. Its understandable that your worried Aimee and that everyone else is worried. Im such a scum bag though look at me. Im the kind of person that sometimes when people ask me how i am i lie not on purpose but i just hide it and pretend im ok.
Also with my parents especially my mum when she asks me how i am i say yeah im fine i dont do it on purpose. I do it because i find it too hard to tell her how im feeling and to talk about it. So in the end she just acccepts and no more is said. Or another thing i do again not on purpose is when they ask me something maybe to do with suicide or how i feel i change the subject and talk about something else. I feel im not important because everyones else here is more important than me. Im so pathetic i really am. I hate myself!
I want to die because i cant cope with this anymore. I dont feel that iv supported much at all on here (if at all) Usually i cry alot sometimes especially when i cant cope but i havent been able to im not sure why. Also i wish i could od again i know last time it made me really ill and that im lucky to be here. But i havent got any because my mum has hidden them all because of last time. So i have no idea where thay are iv already searched the house a few weeks ago and couldnt find them so i dont know where she put them. I really want to od again but cant. I want to buy some. I cant cope. You are all better off without me. Love Ian xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Last edited by Cazki : 04-09-2007 at 10:40 PM.
Reason: submitted first time but just dissappeared so had to type it all out again sorry Aimee
Thanks for taking the time to reply to that and write that all out, it means a lot to me.
You said that your mum was supportive and that sometimes you found your dad to be that way, too. That's a really good thing in a relationship - an element of support, maybe it's time you tried to use that a bit more. These people are your parents and they care about you. In regards to what you said about answering the question "How are you" from your parents, maybe you could start more gently by saying "I'm tired" or "I'm stressed" or "I'm sad", and then allowing a discussion after that? Then you break down the wall a bit and allow yourself that support.
It can be really difficult to talk about these feelings so I'm not at all suprised that you struggle with it, many people do, so try and start of gently and slowly and see where you can go from there. Also, it will let your parents in a bit more so they can see you're not doing too well, and be able to be there for you.
When you're going through something like this, and these awful feelings, support is a big thing, afterall, why do people keep coming here? Being able to be listened to and have your feelings heard is important, so please consider ways that you can do that and things you can try to communicate how you feel. You could even write it down.
I can hear the pain in your words love, and nobody should have to go through what you're going through. If you're attempting suicide so often then maybe you need to sit down with your counsellor and really assess your situation, and ways they can help you further.You really need them to be there for you at this time, please try and be honest with them and get that support.
Even after reading your post hun, I do not feel you are selfish or a scumbag. Not at all! This is just a belief you have that is perhaps fueled by your depression, but it's not the reality of how we feel about you. One day, too, you'll be able to see yourself for who you really are.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Shadow
I want to die because i cant cope with this anymore.
What you are really saying here is common of most people who are suicidal. People often turn to suicide attempts/actions not because they want to die, but because they want the pain to end. There is a difference. You can work towards and have your pain end here, while you are still alive. It just takes a bit of work with therapy, meds, and other things in your life. But ending your life won't get rid of the pain, it won't solve anything; and hun, we want you around - we are not better off without you.
Please, be strong
xoxo
Last edited by Snow White. : 05-09-2007 at 02:30 PM.
Reason: spelling xo
Its ok hun. I just dont know whether i can hold on my brain keeps telling me that i wont get past tonight, that tonight is the night it will happen. I wished id carried on to the end last night even though i always say it. But it was really close again. I got told yesterday by a doctor that im really lucky to be here. When i had my od in the night i was sick he said to me the only reason im still alive is because i was sick if i hadnt of been sick i would not be here now and he said to me that he is telling the truth.
I know he is because i could tell, i know he wouldnt lie about something like this. My parents both think im not too bad. But thats nottrue i dont like lieing to them but its way too hard to talk to them. I feel so down today i feel uspet too. Oh i just dont know anymore. Im cant cope any longer im really fed up with this. I dont think i can hang on any longer i really dont. I cant cope! i cant cant cope! i want to die!
Last edited by Cazki : 05-09-2007 at 05:37 PM.
Reason: Added more
I'm so sorry that you're still feeling so bad. I know you've been struggling like this for quite a while, so I can completely understand why you don't feel like you can take it any more. But you've come this far, and things really can improve - it won't happen overnight, and it might take some work. But it can happen, you're so much better than this, you don't need to die. Tonight doesn't have to be 'the night', and neither does any other night. I know it's hard to fight these feelings, but you're the one in control here, you don't have to do this. If you really feel like you can't make it through the night and keep yourself safe, then it's so important that you reach out to someone; consider doing some of the things that we've discussed before. It isn't easy, I know, but it's so much better than the alternative.
It must be scary and confusing for you to have come so close to actually going through with this, and I know this won't mean much right now, but I'm so glad you didn't. Because you didn't, don't you think that maybe there's a part of you, however small, that really does want to find some way to get through this? If that's the case, then please try to hold onto that part of you. You're still here, and as much as you don't feel that way, you're lucky to be. So make the most of it, get yourself the help you need.
It is hard to talk to your parents, I know the feeling. But sometimes it's something that you should really try to do, what do you think? It's not easy to talk about this stuff to anyone, and with parents, it's extra hard. I don't know about you, but I always feel like I have to protect my parents from what I'm going through. But they're a lot stronger than I give them credit for, and the times I have tried talking to them, they've been able to deal with it alright eventually. I'm sure that your parents are much the same; you're their child, and as hard as it would be to realise how bad things are for you, they'd want to know and do all they could to help. And it would be better for you, too, to have them to turn to, especially when you're not feeling safe, or you just need someone to be there. As Aimee said, try just easing into it, letting them know that you're not feeling so good is a great start. Or you could try writing them a letter if it's too hard to actually say what you need to. That way, you can write what you want to say without being interrupted, you don't have to deal with their reactions when they read it, and they have time to think about it before they talk to you. It's completely up to you how you go about this, but just don't try to cope on your own, no-one should have to do that.
How about your counsellor and the people who come to your house, have you let them know how bad you're feeling? If not, then I think it's something that you really should try to do, they can't help unless they know what's really going on for you. I think when it comes to the point where you're suicidal and unsure of whether you can keep yourself safe every night, then you need to work out with them if there's anything else they can do, or what would help you the most. Do you think you could bring it up with them?
Please take care of yourself, you can do this.
Hanna
xo
Oh god i cant cope! I raelly cant cope anymore! grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! iv had enough! I cant do it! I feel so bad i just cant cope i need help. I dunno what to do anymore im fed up with it all. Im so deppressed. I just cant cope with it! Oh for god sake i wish i was dead! I cant go on like this! No the people that came to my house (as they dont come anymore) dont know how bad i am my parents dont either. Oh i just give up! i really do! My lifeis fucked up and im fucked up. Im so selfish if i was going to kill myself id be dead and im not. I hope i am soon though. Instead of that here i am upsetting everyone and being a selfish pathetic idiot. I just hope im dead soon.
Last edited by Cazki : 06-09-2007 at 12:13 AM.
Reason: mistakes and added more
Hey Ian
I just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you and if you need anything feel free to PM me. I know atm things seem like they will never get better. They will tho,We are all here to support you through this hard time.
Kat xxx
"Recovery is something that you have to work
on every single day and it's
something that doesn't
get a day off."
Thanks Kat and my thanks also go to everyone else who has posted and supported me. I need help again! Not coping very well im really bad again. I duno what i need if im honest but i really cant take this anymore. im so selfish im still alive if i was going to kill myself id have done it by now. Instead of that i still here being a selfish pratt and upsetting everyone. I just hope im dead soon though i really do. I had another attempt yesterday. Im so selfish.
Last edited by Cazki : 06-09-2007 at 12:22 AM.
Reason: added more
You aren't selfish Ian. You can make it through this, I know you can. I also wanted to let you know that you are in my thoughts and I hope that you will feel better soon. If you ever need to talk, my PM box is always open and I am almost always up late. *MASSIVE HUGS*
~Matt~
Susanna Kaysen: I'm ambivalent. In fact that's my new favorite word.
Dr. Sonia Wick: Do you know what that means, ambivalence?
Susanna Kaysen: I don't care.
Dr. Sonia Wick: If it's your favorite word, I would've thought you would...
Susanna Kaysen: It *means* I don't care. That's what it means.
Thanks thats really kind of you. I am so selfish honestly i am. I mean here i am talking about killing myself and im still here what does that make me. The answer is it makes me selfish really selfish i mean im just thinking of myself. I keep saying but it i know but i wanna die and i hope that day is soon. I cant be here much longer. Please i dont want to be here much longer. I know people are going to diasagree with me here but thats fair enough. Im so fed up with feeling like this maybe i should leave for good. Or maybe i should just support other people and not bother about myself. I mean its only me we are talking about. I think i might do one of those things i just mentioned. Whats the point in bothering about me anyway? I mean i know other people are bothered about me but maybe its time i wasnt and concentrated on other people. Im in a really crap mood i give up and iv fucking had enough i really have. Oh for fuck sake im so pissed off. I just wish i was fuckiing dead! for fuck sake!
Last edited by Cazki : 06-09-2007 at 01:31 PM.
Reason: added more
I had another od some days ago. But it didnt do anything unfortunately. I wish it had. Yesterday i collected some and later took them. But it wasnt enough to do anything. So it wasnt a harmful dose if you get what i mean. But today iv started collecting again. shame i didnt die wish i had. Everyone is supporting me and im just wasting everyones time by being annoying to you all. I had a good day today apart from hiding some pills in my pocket. I also had a good day yesterday apart from thinking about oding. Iv started collecting again today i havent got enough though to do anything yet. But i want to collect more. I do keep getting feelings of wanting and attempting to kill myself. I know im so pathetic im sorry.
Last edited by Cazki : 11-09-2007 at 06:26 PM.
Reason: added more
