Kids and scars

[[Awakening]]

My son ethan is nearly 4, his dad and I aren't together anymore and we we share complete care of him. I'm in a relationship with emma, and have been for a year and half now.

Today the father sent me this text...

"Ethans just come out with 'ive got red things inside and outsite my skin' i said no u dont he said il have them at some point. I askd why and he said because emma does."

Now my question is, how do you deal with scars around children? when ethan notices emmas scars she says shes fallen over. We always try you explain things to him in ways that he can understand.

My ex has no understanding of mental health issues, his answer being ' get over it' and is constantly worrying and stiring things up.

I just want to hear your views please???

[ASkatersDream...]

I've not got kids but have worked around them

Would it be impossible to cover where you have scarring from your son when he's around?

Its what I did and it was a pain especially in 25 degree heat but it saves you from questions and the kid being curious about things.

[~Grace~]

My kids were older than Ethan when i first started getting scars, but i always kept them covered.....it was just over 6 years ago that i started and to this day they still havent seen them....i wear clothes to cover them up...im going on holiday with my youngest and will wear dressings over my scars to prevent her seeing them. She thinks i have stopped. well i havent but she need never know that with careful covering up x

[Stellata]

"I hurt myself" is both accurate and neutral enough.
I've actually got similar scratches to my self harm ones by accident when opening boxes at work, weirdly enough.
I don't have visible scars really [I can see them, but I know they're there] although my flatmates' son has noticed it when the scratching was bad. I just said that I hurt myself. No questions asked. Mind you he was a bit younger then [3 ish, he's 4 now, 5 in August].

[ASkatersDream...]

I think don't tell them i hurt myself as he will most possibly pick up on it more and will lead more curiosity when he goes to his dads.

Try and keep them covered is best answer I think.

[Pomegranate]

I don't have kids but I have a little sister who is nearly 13 years younger than me and worked with kids mainly aged 4-10. My little sister asked about my scars before when she was about six and we told her I had had an accident when I was younger. A few questions later and that was that. Since I relapsed though and have had 'fresh' scars then I have kept them covered because she won't understand. When I was hospitalised two years ago my Dad decided she was old enough to be told a rough truth i.e that I had Depression and explained to her a bit about that. I will tell her the truth when she is a bit older (she is ten in six weeks) but not now. I think it depends on what you think Ethan could cope with. 'I had an accident' is probably not going to be enough of an explanation for him, especially if the scars are new and there are still new ones being added. I think the fact he has asked his Dad about it kind of shows he is worried.

[Warrior_x]

I say you ignore the ****! You know he is just looking for an excuse to stop you seeng Ethan. Or to make you finish with Em. It could also be possible that he is lying.

Also, I don't think Emma should have to cover them up. Not old scars/marks anyway. He has already seen them, so there is no point covering them up now, because it will just lead to even more curiosity. Maybe have a word with Emma and ask her not to mention anything to Ethan. And tell Ethan that just because Emma has them doesn't mean he is going to get them. I don't know. I suck :P.

Also. I text you back earlier. And.

If I ever see said ex I shall slap him to the other side of the world :)

<3

[dollpart]

My little sister always just completely accepted my scars when she was small, then realised they weren't "normal". When she asked what was up, I said silly things like "I have done battles with a tiger", and she laughed and forgot about it (around age 6. my brother as well). Obviously this is very different as she is not my child. If she was, I don't know where I would go next with trying to explain the truth (or not)... I always cover up in front of her now. If she was my child, I think I would hide "new" cuts but show any old ones the same way you would want your child to think of a missing finger as normal...
x

[fakesmiler]

this is something ive thought alot about, I have two young Godchildren 5 and 3 and i have them alot as there parents struggle to cope with them alot ( drinking problems) I always wondered how I would handle it they asked, Id say if there not new explain to him that it was a 'baddie' from a long time ago and its gotten better now, that its jsut something that happened and emma has them but each person has different marks from different accidents,
I would always wory if when he was older like 8/9 and started getting to smart to buy a made up excuse, or she hid them then it would make mroe of an issue of it. Id like my godkids to know eventually when they are old enough and be able to understand Mental Health as a normal everyday illness that can get bad....If you hide this from him then it will be a big deal when he finds out, if u dismiss it as a natural baddie that has healed it allows u to explain it more as u want,
Maybe im being nieve as I say ther my godkids not mine, but i wouldnt want to lie about it, when I have my own kids id like them to be awhere of mental health as an illness like antyhing else ( age allowing of course) and until then just make it a simple thing that can be explained when needed without having told a 'lie' persay to have to back track on x