No Injury/Suicide Contract

Pennacious · 26-02-2011, 10:18 PM

i signed a contract with my therapist last tuesday that between now and when we meet again i will not give in to my self injury urges or the thoughts of suicide. she said that if i did not commit to the contract she would be forced to send me to the hospital.
anyways the urges for self harm have been so incredibly bad...worse than it was a few days ago. i keep thinking about hurting myself, i have even been dreaming about harming myself. i cannot get it out of my mind, no matter how hard i try and distract from it. the urges to commit suicide have also been in the forefront of my mind lately. i cannot seem to escape them either.
i am so afraid that i am going to give in to these urges. i have had a few close calls already, and i just do not know what to do anymore.
i also talked with my nutritionist yesterday and she is really concerned about me as well. in the past two weeks all i have had to eat is about XX...she kind of agrees with my therapist that i need to be in the hospital right now but i really do not want to go there. i have been there far too many times in my life and i just...they have not really been helpful stays is all. i still leave there thinking about suicide and harming. they never seem to go away. even with pretty intense therapy when i am not in the hospital...

anyways the point of this ramble i guess is to ask about the whole contract thingy. does anyone know what would happen if i did give in to my harming urges? would that automatically be something that i could end up in the hospital for?

Pomegranate · 26-02-2011, 10:30 PM

From what I understand of these 'contracts', they are based on trust, legally breaking it should have no consequences for you. Your therapist could detain you for an assessment if she felt you were that much of an immediate risk to yourself and force an assessment. She alone could not just 'send' you to the hospital without your agreement though. I think you need to talk to her more about your feelings about treatment etc, also there is always the option of day hospital that you could discuss if you don't feel your current level of support is enough and don't want to go IP. I would imagine the contract was symbolic of her trying to get you to make the 'right' decisions and show willingness to work with her.

Do you find anything changes after a stay in hospital? has any treatment in the past helped? If so why do you think it has, if not do you think this is because of the type of treatment you have been offered or because you are unwilling to engage with it?

Also could you remove how much you have eaten since it is against the rules.

Pennacious · 26-02-2011, 10:36 PM

i have put so much effort in trying to get better...i have done everything from medications to ECT to therapy to DBT to CBT...i have even gone to a treatment center specifically for those who self injure and stayed 6 months there.
i want to be happy and healthy. i want freedom from self injury and these suicidal thoughts... but nothing that i have tried has seemed to help any.

PassedExpectations · 27-02-2011, 12:03 AM

do you have a number or email to contact your therapist while you're struggling?

and how are you doing right now? its been a bit since you posted. has the urge subsided at all?

fishy · 27-02-2011, 05:15 PM

Is the hospital something you've tried before?
I know for me it doesn't work, but for some people it's really helpful. And yes, being inpatient sucks butt, but...There comes a point in time that's a turning point, that you need to do the extreme, question is, are you there yet?

>___< Does that make sense?
I hope so, good luck, even if you don't want to/end up going to the hospital. <3

lonely_hope · 28-02-2011, 02:02 AM

I'm so sorry you've had a rough time with the contract :( I really am not sure about the whole 'therapist making you sign a contract thing'... it just doesn't seem... fair? (for lack of a better word). You can make it through this. Please don't do anything to really hurt yourself... hang in there! What have you tried to keep you from acting on your urges?

The hospital is not a very pleasant experience :/ I'm not sure if you'd automatically be sent back there if you harmed... I guess it depends on what your therapist thinks.

I really, really hope you're doing alright. Send a PM if you ever want to talk

*many hugs and much love*