I posted this in my journal a few minutes ago. Just gonna stick it here, because I have never had anything to put here today and now I do!
Maybe it's the sunshine, the perfect twelve-degree temperature, the medication, or the way N looked at me today. I feel positive, suddenly. It's been a perfectly normal day and I feel perfectly normal. This morning at work Laura made me a hot chocolate, out of the blue. I appreciated it
. Sometimes sharing things like that is nice. I walked to the bus stop with a minimum level of panic. I woke up feeling shitty, a bit bleak and lethargic- but it wore off and nothing worse has come of it. Last night we went for drinks and I knew when to stop and I didn't do anything or say anything wrong.
It's been a weird week. I just about recovered from the flu. I admitted that my relationship with food isn't 100% healthy. I had anxious moments/ hours on Wednesday night. I had low moments where nothing seemed fixable, and better moments where things seemed already fixed. And now maybe it is going to be OK.
Things with N are going really well, like maybe we are moving past Before. I really, really want this to work out and in the bleak and unfixable moments that's what I need to hang on to... we're worth it, I think we deserve to be happy.
.gif "rose")
