It never seems like my SI is bad enough. I always want to go deeper, and make it scar worse. (Also with some ED issues with not losing enough weight...) I get so upset with myself if it doesn't go as deep or bleed as much as I want it to. If I'm not satisfied, I want to SI more... and it all kind of goes in a cycle. At the moment, I'm very upset that I didn't make a very bad mark. I keep going back and forth between wanting to quit SI and not trying to recover :/
Can anyone else relate or have any words of wisdom?
"God take me, because I hate me" -Underoath
We are male and female. We are artists, athletes, and students. We have depression, PTSD, eating disorders, bipolar disorder, or maybe no diagnosis at all. Some of us were abused, some not. We come from all walks of life and can be any age. We are every race or religion that you can think of. Our common link is this: We are in pain. We self-injure. And we are not freaks.
What is making you want to more, you say you are going between wanting to stop and keeping going which is stronger?
“Never lose faith in yourself,
and never lose hope;
remember, even when this world throws its worst and then turns its back,
there is still always hope.”
I know how you feel, you always want to go that little bit deeper, and even when you do go deeper it still isn't enough
If you can, try and focus more on recovery and try and push those thoughts of going deeper out of your mind
I haven't really got much advice seeming as I'm in a simular situation, but if you ever need to talk feel free to PM me anytime,
Take care :)x
If you look in the mirror and don't like what you see, you can find out first hand what it's like to be me.
Thank you all for your wonderful responses... it really means a lot to me
Louise: I'm having a hard time liking myself... I don't think highly of 'me.' I'd have to say that the feeling of not wanting to recover is stronger a lot of the time (though there are always the times where I'm truly committed to quitting).
Thanks again everyone *hugs*
"God take me, because I hate me" -Underoath
We are male and female. We are artists, athletes, and students. We have depression, PTSD, eating disorders, bipolar disorder, or maybe no diagnosis at all. Some of us were abused, some not. We come from all walks of life and can be any age. We are every race or religion that you can think of. Our common link is this: We are in pain. We self-injure. And we are not freaks.
