|
Relief :)
Within only Three days after an Overdose, Three days after cutting myself, the worst it has ever been, I feel like I have finally got my life back.
I think it was picking up the pieces, that made me realise, I don't want to do it anymore. I don't want to feel the pain i caused myself anymore. And I feel like I can finally fight off these tough feelings. Nothing is ever going to be easy, but I don't want to die. I don't want to be thought of as the person that couldn't do it, the one that hated herself so much she punished her body and only made things worse. I have to fight it, and no matter how alone I feel, I am not alone.
The past may be dark, but no matter how much I hate it, it cannot be changed. No matter how much it hurt me there is no point letting it go on, and only causing myself more pain. I wish, I had never made that first cut, because it influences me to keep cutting, but it will not help, and it will only make things worse. Even when i am feeling suicidal, it will only make me regret it more, and the truth is, i don't want to die. Why do I want to hurt myself? To make people see how much it hurts, why do I want people to see this hurt that I am feeling, wont it only hurt them?! Hurting others is not what I want. And getting better is the best thing for myself and others. Sometimes it is not so easy, sometimes the road seems so unclear.
But, there is a way. I will battle this, and I will do all I can to fight these painful feelings, like a vicious circle, that only make things worse.
It doesn't have to end here, if you want to make it ok, then do everything in your power to fight it, forget it, recover and live the life you want to live :)
|
