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Want To Move On-Advice?
Hey everyone, it's just me. I've given it some thought and I think that this time I'm ready to move on. I know that you all are probably going to think that this is a bunch of crap because I've said it so many times before, but I really feel like I am ready to move on. The reason I'm deciding is because I have a boyfriend now who I think is amazing and eventually I will have to explain to him about my problems with cutting and all of that. He'll be seeing my scars at school tomorrow and I know it will break his heart to find out that I used to cut myself. I know, I should quit for myself and not for someone else, but I do need someone to stop for because I still do not find myself worthy of stopping and nothing anybody else says is likely to change that. Besides, my parents have betrayed me, gone back to drinking, and now my mom and I are getting into a lot of fights that almost always result in her saying something hurtful to me about my mental problems or my cutting, so I'm done trying to stop for them.
Anyway, the only problem is that I'm not entirely sure I'm actually 'ready' to move on...I do not have an offline support system what so ever and online support isn't helping me anymore. My parents are of no help, I can't trust my friends or family, my brother and sister live in different states, my school teachers don't know how to help me, my school counselor is done with me, my therapist isn't helping me, my boyfriend doesn't even know what's going on, and everyone else thinks I'm fine now and will not take no for an answer. I honestly don't know what I'm supposed to do at this point. I know that I'll need an offline support system or I will end up crumbling but nobody outside of the internet is helping me at all. How can I get people to understand that they still need to help me and that I'm not 'fine'? I swear, sometimes it's like trying to talk to a brick wall when I ask for help offline. Please, can anyone help me?
Thanks,
April
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