i need it, but it would be a break of trust i think......

[brokendancer]

i need to cut, i have "tools" in my pocket, but i am at my girlfeiwnds, she is at work.

i would really betray her trust to do it, in her house, in HER bed...wouldnt i

i guess i just want soemone to tell me what to do, i cant use my usual distract techniques, i iant at home, so cant walk my dogs, i have tried texting someone to see if they where busy...i got "yes, go away"

i just dont know what to doo, hour nad a half untill she gets home

[Intaytia]

Do you have any access to your music? Could you take a bath or something? Maybe you could hide your tools in a really difficult place then give yourself ten minutes and once that 10 mins is up, make yourself wait another 10 mins etc until your girlfriend's home x

[brokendancer]

if i have a bath, there would be issues with purging and such......and then she may find them/i may find hers

[Intaytia]

Hum okay, how about a walk? Okay it's dark here, but if that's not something that would bother you, you could make sure you're as safe as possible by getting out of the house?

[brokendancer]

hummmm, its a possibllity, just farms, everywhere....**** gna be home alone now

[Intaytia]

Ahh I guess if you're in the middle of nowhere then that's not such a possibility. Well, I'll be around for a bit longer if you want to stay here and talk things through :)

[brokendancer]

i dont even know why i need it so bad, i should be happy, but something inside of me, is just, yeh

i think it may be eating/size related/paranoid thinking/ the faces coming back ect

[Intaytia]

I'm so sorry I've not got back earlier, I had to take a call and can't multitask :P
I know what you mean about how you feel you should be happy, but somethings stopping that.
How are you now?
when's your girlfriend back?

[brokendancer]

feeling a bit beter thismorning, she got home and we chated ect

still, i need it

i dont know what to do, i dotn want to go home, mum will be angry with me for spending so much time here....

then we will row and i will feel 1000000x worse :/

[Intaytia]

How about you get out of the house today - both your girlfriend's and yours, is there a film you want to see at the cinema or something?

Glad you made it through the night, this urge will pass :)

[brokendancer]

she is going out for her mums birhday and i am making the train journey home, gna be on me own soon, and without reason to stop myself :S