I cant explain myself too well tonight. But i have descended into this dark pit of despair where only ending it all seems to be the answer. And yes i have plans and the means...i cannot do this anymore. i have no idea who i am, and there is no answer up ahead as far as i can see. im living a lie. im not fine at all :( Please can someone answer so i dont have to be alone...
I know what you're going through, believe me I have been there in the exact position. But there is always hope, and I got myself out of a hole which I thought was impossible to leave. So don't give up, and have hope. Sometimes it is all we have. Care for yourself, and want good things for yourself and in time you will become better. I was in a very dark place, and although I'm not graced by the light that everyone else is, I did leave a place much, much darker than where I am now. All I did was persevere.
Thankyou both for replying. I just feel like ive exhausted every possibility. How do i regain hope in anything? sorry i sound like im whinging but i have tried heaps of things to change and i keep doing the same things and ending up here...im a total waste of space seriously
*HUG* I wish I could give you advice but I'm in the same place right now...lets fight together! You're not whining, you're in pain. I keep trying differernt things too - but it just hasn't been the thing yet I guess. I really wish I could help besides just saying I'm here.
Thanks for being there - i appreciate it. At the moment im trying not to do something stupid. I talked to my case manager today and she said i must not have been using the strategies she put on my crisis plan but I HAVE! i think she is frustrated with me totally. Im sorry you are in the same place - its horrible ''hugs back''
Do you want to talk about it or anything...anything I can do to distract you besides tell you that I don't know you, but I know you're worth much more than your pain. (and I totally get the whole professionals seeming annoyed...my therapist seems a little annoyed with me sometimes.)
i have just been SH for so long now, numerous suicide attempts, and i feel so guilty. Ive got little kids and i SHOULD be better by now. I hate pretending all the time that im fine when im not. Im at uni so people cant understand why i can study but cant cope with life. i had constant changes of psych's which hasnt helped. They had a ''meeting'' about me today. God knows what they said - probably what a hopeless case i am, not much progress etc. But its not like i want to be like this.
You're not hopeless even though that's always an easy thing to believe. It's extremely difficult to believe in ourselves especially when we're going through things like this. School is extremely difficult for me now because of all of this, so I can't really relate there, but I'm sure from your friend's perspective's that would be hard to understand. School work is straight forward and has an ending objective to work straight towards...life doesn't really, we never know what's going to happen or where we're going to end up - it's unpredictable and unknown, and that's scary.
And I've made zippo progress in over 9 months if that helps. I've literally sat in therapy and stared at the floor in silence before. Of course you don't want to be like this, I'm so sorry :(
I wish more people in everyday life understood this kind of thing.
Last edited by byemebyeme : 15-02-2011 at 11:50 AM.
I'm sorry - it's 3 am here and I have to somehow get to therapy tomorrow so I need to try to get some sleep. Please please please be safe, know that I'll be thinking about you, and I'll check first thing when I wake up tomorrow morning.
<3 and hugs. You can get through this!
i did get a bit of sleep but not much. Im so anxious and on edge. Every noise sounds 100 times louder than what it is. Im having nightmares when i do sleep. Im not sure i can cope with the day and its not even 8am yet...
:( I'm sorry. I'm glad you got some sleep though.
I was away all day and just got home (it's near midnight now) I hope you made it through today alright. I've been thinking of you.
Thanks :) ive been out all day at a seminar on suicide prevention of all things...but it didnt give me any answers...triggered me more than anything i think. im talking to my case manager on monday but they never seem to listen. Unless its just me. I keep going round the same stupid cycle. Maybe it never ends unless i make it end...
How are you? im sorry i dont even know your name :(
I didn't go to school today, but I have to leave for work in about an hour. I'm too tired and mentally exhausted to pull myself together.
But we can definitely chat :)
With the time difference, do you maybe want to PM? Or we could continue in this post, whatever works for you. And I'm glad I'm helping some.
