Am I ready? *Somewhat rantish*

[Marshmallow.]

First off I want to appologise for starting another thread.
I've started CBT, had my first session last Wednesday. I think it went pretty well. I left the doctors feeling slightly relieved and somewhat positive, I was given a Thought Record to fill in and she suggested I start trying to practice mindfulness. In the first session we mainly covered my anxiety issues as she believes this as well as my up and down moods has quite an impact on my SH. Next session she wants me to try and concentrate more on the actual SH issues.
I've only just over the last few weeks been able to admit to myself that I'm addicted to SH. In the past I've always said no I don't need it but I'm now able to say yes I do. I need it so bad. It's now a part of me and I'm scared to lose it.
Which brings me back to the title of this thread..am I ready to stop? SH has been a pretty big part of my life for the last 4 years and I'm not sure if I'm ready to let that part of me go. It has been there for me when others haven't. I have tried so hard to not let it 'define' me but I'm now starting to realise that it has. It's a part of who I am.
To be completely honest I don't really know who I am anymore but the only thing I feel is constant in my life is SH and I'm not sure how well I'll cope without it. I feel like if I stop I'll miss it too much, cave and start the vicious cycle all over again.
I'm not really sure what I want from posting this, I just had to get it all out really so sorry for that.

[makedamnsure]

Sounds like if you are ever going to be ready it should be now, when you have support around you.

Seems like CBT could really help you and that you are trying to engage with it, so grab it with both hands and try your best. Even trying and failing is better than not trying at all.

Good luck.

[JaffaCake.]

To me, it sounds like you already know the answer but you're afraid of letting it go because you've let SH define you as a person and who you are.

Don't be scared to try and loosen your grip on it, you may even surprise yourself once you realise you can manage without it.

Good luck. CBT can really help.
Em x

[PassedExpectations]

i agree with what they said above........

but definately keep going to the cbt for a while, it can be really really helpful.