It's been a while since I've posted on here. Anyway, here it goes.
For a few months, I'd been debating having my Mom read some books about why people self-injure, so she could have a better understanding of it. I also hoped the books would have advice for parents on how to handle slip-ups. It's gotten to the point where I am scared to tell my Mom when I slip-up for fear that I'll just get an angry response. Last time she said my self-harm was "****." That really, really hurt.
Anyway, I checked out a book from the library called "When Your Child is Cutting."
She starts reading it and then she says I am no longer a child. And I find myself thinking? Well, yes but does it matter? I thought the book would be helpful for parents of an adult who self-harms as well. My Mom then went on to say that she didn't know if she will have what it takes to help me.
At that point I was thinking "what the heck?" Hearing that just felt like I was being shot down. I don't know what to do anymore. Last night Mom made me leave my door open, and she said "Promise me you won't do anything to hurt yourself." Hearing that made me feel worse than I already did, because I was already triggered enough as it was. This morning, when I asked her if she was finding the book helpful, she said, "No, but I am finding it enlightening."
Well, this morning I broke that promise by hitting, and I've also scratched. I am at the end of my rope in regards to how to talk to my Mom about my SI. Plus, it took me a lot of courage to suggest that book to her.
I just want her to understand that saying things like "promise me you'll stop this," never work and just add pressure to the person who self-harms. Plus it makes them feel bad when they slip-up. I also want her to understand that responding in a judgmental and angry way when someone slip-up doesn't help things either.
I am at the end of my rope here. Advice and hugs would be appreciated.
I don't know if I can give much advice, but, I can sooooooo relate.
My parents have found out about my SI several different times. They are always telling me to "promise not to do harm to myself again." I've had so many lectures about it... never fun :/ They just don't get that SI is not so easy to quit.
Anyway- I think it's great you recommended that book for your mother to read! That in itself is a huge accomplishment :) I don't think I'd ever be able to do that. You can't make her understand what you're going through, but you've done your part in trying to help her to help you in your recovery.
I really hope you're doing alright! You can always send a message if you need to talk
*hugs and love*
"God take me, because I hate me" -Underoath
We are male and female. We are artists, athletes, and students. We have depression, PTSD, eating disorders, bipolar disorder, or maybe no diagnosis at all. Some of us were abused, some not. We come from all walks of life and can be any age. We are every race or religion that you can think of. Our common link is this: We are in pain. We self-injure. And we are not freaks.
Well done for reaching out - that takes courage, but you did it. That's something to be proud of!
It's sad that this has upset you so much, though I can certainly see why. I hope you're taking care of yourself.
As for your mother... I think it's great that you gave her access to so much information. Maybe she has trouble applying that knowledge to you, though? You're not some case in a book. You're her child. One thing is totally theoretical, but you're not, and maybe she just feels at a loss.
Have you tried talking to her, or writing her a letter, to tell her what YOU need? It might also be good to ask her what she thinks, directly. Information is one thing, but feelings aren't always rational. It must be a scary thing to find out your child is hurting themself.
Do you have professional help at all? If not, that might be a good next step - maybe your mother could support you in that. She might be feeling overwhelmed with this, too, and not know how to "fix" you, you know? But you won't find out until you ask her.
