Veteran!!

qwertyrose · 14-02-2011, 03:49 PM

I guess im a vetran at 37 *hobbles to corner*!

But serioulsy *SI TRIG *

My harming has got alot worse i have a cpn and on the waiting list for therpay i have a good and understanding gp so i do have support

The thing that is concerning me is that i have for a long time neened stiches it was and still is not good enough for me unless it was that much of a mess but know i have stared to remove skin quite i do one bit and think i could just do that I now have a injury on my arm that needs attention

They are going to mention plastics but i really dont want to go there - this is what i hate more than anything i do the deed and its a great idea at the time all very planned day off ironing done etc so ive sat for 2hrs doing the deed

I know i have to go to A&E but i dont want to i dont want to be adult about it

Im not sure why its got so bad i dont know if its becasue ive been doing it for 7 years and so i have to do more to get the same result or what??

Lucy

Sigma · 14-02-2011, 07:04 PM

Welcome to another 37 year old!

Perhaps you do feel the need to escalate - if what you're 'saying' by the SH isn't being heard. Do you see a counsellor or psych?

tifflehan · 14-02-2011, 07:41 PM

Hello from a 39 year old.Want to share zimmer frames?

I feel the need to escalate. Are you ok?

Pomegranate · 17-02-2011, 04:35 AM

I am not as old as you guys :P but I am a Vet! I was wondering if you could try and explain the contrast between your concern for your injuries and also your lack of intent to get them treated? I understand how unpleasant a+e is but going would at least alleviate some of your concern and distress about the dangers of your injuries and they may also be able to get you some extra support, or at least provide you with someone to talk to there and then? What exactly makes you detest a+e so much? Is there a way around it? For example a minor injuries unit instead. I apologise if this is not possible because of the nature of your injuries but they will sometimes stitch and assess wounds.

Re the 'why' it has escalated question: I think it is very common for it to escalate over time. You are definitely not alone in that. I think maybe going to a+e to get treatment might be quite important to your mental recovery as well. I am not wording this very well so I apologise but in some ways not going to a+e means you don't have to confront the reactions of 'normal/healthy' people and minds towards your harming. I know that is not the only, or even main reason why you may hate a+e but maybe it is a small one to consider as a possible influence?

Please try and remember whatever your circumstances though that just because you harming has escalated, does not mean you will never get a handle on it or that you can't regain control even now.

ˈsäləˌterē · 17-02-2011, 06:10 AM

Wow! Aside from Pom, all us oldies showed up in the same place. I'm 40 n just wanted to encourage you. I used to only harm very seriously too, but have managed to get away from it so, you can do it! May have something more helpful to add tomorrow. I'm very tired n am headin to bed for tonight. Just wanted you to know there's hope.

Pomegranate · 17-02-2011, 06:18 AM

^^^^

You should listen to Solo for Solo is wise *nods* x

(for what that is worth from a youngun' :P )

ˈsäləˌterē · 17-02-2011, 04:08 PM

Wow! Thanks Emma! Unless wise is really code for old. I actually thought your post was very wise, for a youngun.

Rose, what is the reason that you don't wanna go to a&e? I know you said you don't wanna be adult about it, but why? Do you not feel that you deserve the care from others over a self inflicted wound or are you embarassed or afraid of what action they will take upon seeing the severity of your wounds? Can you put your finger on what's behind you aversion to a&e?

As far as why it has escelated, could it be like Toko said, that you don't feel you're being heard? Like, people aren't understanding how much emotional pain you're in, so you feel you have to increase the severity of the wounds to get their attention? Or just for your own sake, to try to make the wounds express how deep your emotional pain is. I may be way off the mark, I'm just tryin to help.

Please continue to talk to us if it helps!

dollpart · 18-02-2011, 05:33 PM

Hey,
& welcome!

1- Practical Advice- if the injury is more than 1/2 days old, you could go to a minor injuries clinic rather than a&e? That's not because the injury itself is minor, but because if you don't want plastics or all the extras, then they might be able to at least keep it clean, prevent infection, and dress it, at minor injuries? That's only a suggestion, it just might help you feel like you are doing something "adult", without getting hassle that you don't need, or treatment that you don't want.

2- Emotional Advice- ^ agreeing with above. Have been there, too, for a variety of reasons... expression, as Solo says above; increased self-punishment; feeling that smaller wounds weren't "enough" somehow, to do what I wanted/ needed. It's really hard to deal with trying to improve your situation but at the same time feeling that you need more and more SI to get the same feeling. It ends up with you fighting against yourself.
But, as others have said, that doesn't mean you can't get better from it. Actually it could be the turning point.

Xx