I feel like I deserve this...

thelunarend · 13-02-2011, 06:28 PM

Everyone has a reason to why they cut. Even if they don't know why they cut they still have a reason. Even no reason is a reason. Why do I cut? Out of guilt...
I always feel like I'm doing something wrong, especially when one of my friends are upset or mad at me...I always feel like I have to make everyone happy...and if everyone isn't happy I feel like it's my fault.
And it tempts me.
I feel like I should be punished when this happens. I try really hard not to give in...but sometimes I do anyways...

And now I feel the need to punish myself more than ever.
All I'm doing right now is making everyone elses lives worse...I'm just a burden to everyone....But I don't want to feel this way I don't...I don't want to cut anymore I don't want to punish myself...

Imperfect.Star · 13-02-2011, 07:14 PM

I've felt like that for a very long time and it's hard to let go of it but you don't have to take all that responsibility on yourself. Do you have any kind of therapist because it sounds like the kind of thing that they could help you work through.

You really don't need to punish yourself, not everything is your fault, it's just your mind making it feel that way.

I hope you can get some help with this.
xxx

thelunarend · 13-02-2011, 08:48 PM

No my parents don't even know that anything is wrong with me...heh....I'm able to cry in my room for the past week every day and they still think I'm fine...
I have problems with my family anyways...if my mom found out about everything she'd call me a "****ing emo" like she usually does just cos I'm in my room most of the time...yeah...I have lots of problems with my mom but this isn't really the place to talk about that...
And all a therapist would do is push some type of medication on me...that's all they'd do...But thank you for your concern..

PassedExpectations · 14-02-2011, 04:00 AM

therapists can't push medication on you, they aren't medical doctors and aren't licensed to prescribe medication. and even psychiatrists, who would prescribe meds, can't easily force you to take anything you don't want to take.

therapists talk with you and help you see where your thoughts make you feel worse (and guilt is definately on that list) and help you figure out how to solve problems. they would be able to help with things like figuring out how to get your work done the way you want, or how to stop hurting yourself when you're ready to do that. they can help you learn different ways of dealing with emotions.

the next time you start feeling guilty, ask yourself what you would say to someone else who had done the same thing..... was whatever they did really that bad, or is it getting blown out of proportion? what would you tell them to do to fix the situation? would you want them to beat themselves up over it emotionally? or physically?........ its important to try and make sure that you aren't setting a different standard for yourself than for everyone else. you're a human, and by nature that means that you'll make mistakes, and bad decisions, and do something you regret, etc..... those aren't reasons to torture yourself.