I wanted to ask something, but who are you gona ask about these things really?!
Okay, I used to self harm when I was younger on and off, it started by scratching over and over and over the same place, with my nails or with something like a needle point. I tried cutting, but I never really got the release because I know it was never about the depth, it was always about the pain. And a little about the blood. (I'm so sorry, I know it's graphic, but if I can't explain on here like this then I don't think I could bring mysef to say the words to someone else.)
Anyway, various things happened, and an Eating Disorder took over. Now I'm recovering from the ED and the SI is starting to slip in again. All the negative feelings it was obviously preventing are coming out again, and I suppose it was almost inevitable that this way of dealing with it would surface. The cutting doesn't help still, and the scratching has started again, but recently as I'm getting more and more upset, I tend to hit hard surfaces or the edges of hard surfaces repeatedly and really really hard. The other day I thumped the side of my hand against my desk repeatedly, and my hand is really swollen and bruised now down the side. But it really helped. It really released all of that stuff in a way that I felt right, that I felt I deserved etc.
So I recognise all the feelings and emotions that came with SI before in doing this. And I also recognise the same feelings of seeing the bruising etc. that I did when I see the blood of the scratches and the cuts. But I've not really done this before. I guess I've answered my own question there, but I just wondered if anyone else can relate at all?
Thanks everyone. Hope you're all having a good weekend x
"My comfort would prefer for me to be numb, and avoid the impending birth of who I was born to become..."
yeah, hitting yourself/another object is SI. it still leaves damage. it still hurts. its still a coping mechanism that isn't good for you. all the regular stuff applies about distractions and other ways of coping.....
do you have anyone to talk to about this? if you've got some support for your ED, you could mention this to them. or maybe theres a councelor at school (not sure how old you are) or someone like that you could go to.
this is my magical medicine cabinet. Left to right they contain: courage, hope, calmness, and strength.
The magical part: They NEVER run out, so borrow some any time you want.
Thank you. Yes I'll mention it next time I see my therapist. I'm 21, at uni, so I'm not naive about it at all. I just wondered if there were any similars out there that could understand too, y'know?
Thank you
"My comfort would prefer for me to be numb, and avoid the impending birth of who I was born to become..."
When I do it though I tend to find it doesn't help me much, because I don't bruise very easily and tend to like to have some damage I can see. So mostly when I can't afford to leave marks because people will find out I tend to hit things/myself instead. Bruises are easy to explain away.
It might not help much, but joining a boxing/martial arts club could help take out some of the frustration. Or invest in a punchbag or go "kill yourself" (not literally) at the gym! I find really hard exercise can really help.
Yes, it is considered self injury. It is causing bruising, damage, and it's still causing pain to soothe yourself.
I used to do it actually. Punching myself till I bruised, head banging, it's all still si. Hitting yourself against or with another object is a really common form of hitting actually. You're not alone.
It might not help much, but joining a boxing/martial arts club could help take out some of the frustration. Or invest in a punchbag or go "kill yourself" (not literally) at the gym! I find really hard exercise can really help.
i agree, exercise has the added bonus of being good for you too, mentally and physically - all round good idea
They said I was mad, I said they were mad and Damn Them, they outvoted me!
I can definitely relate! This is actually how my SI started. I'm like Make____sure though. I don't bruise easily and have to see damage, so I kept hitting n hitting till I broke my hand. It led to other forms of SI. Please be careful! It sounds like you've been through a lot n come a long way! You're obviously a strong person! Don't let this pull you back into a cycle of abusing yourself hun! You don't deserve to be abused!
Hitting objects or yourself is considered self-harm. Firstly, because it causes damage. Secondly, because it causes pain which soothes you, and is done for the same reasons as other forms of SI-to stop emotional pain.
Hitting objects or myself as well as head-banging was my main method of self-harm as a child. It's hard to stop, and I still do it occasionally when I feel overwhelmed or don't have access to my tools. Hitting once resulted in my hand getting bruised, so I had to wrap my hand in an ice pack for a few days which wasn't fun. I know it's not a good thing to do and is just as bad as cutting. Jen made an excellent point.
Last edited by Celticroots : 14-02-2011 at 04:17 AM.
*nods* it is stil sh cos it comes from same place and it still using pain to cope it just gets confused a bit with anger i guess.
also i can relate cos to me hitting has always been my stop gap between cutting and stopping, the one i feel isnt as bad even tho it is.
i find the best distractions for hitting involve something a bit sudden. like a smashy game eg. breaking bricks. or suddenly running reallly hard on the spot or bouncing my tennis ball.
you are awesome for getting through so much, best wishes for the future xx
I can't tell you how much sense that has made Jen, thank you. You're right, I didn't know whether it would be classed as just 'anger,' you know, and explains why I felt as though it wasn't as 'bad' as other forms it has taken in the past, or could take. And thank you for your lovely well wishes too - seriously guys, thanks for them all. It's nice not having the usual judgemental or condescending response.
"My comfort would prefer for me to be numb, and avoid the impending birth of who I was born to become..."
