one last time...

[debra5992]

It’s February of 2011. The snow is starting to melt, the days are getting longer, and soon it’ll be spring. I can’t live in sweatshirts forever, and I know that I’m going to have to stop cutting soon, but I can’t shake the feeling of wanting to cut one last time. I love the feeling of having cuts on my wrists. I know that that is sick. I know I sound like a freak. But for right now the only person who knows this is me, myself and I.
I want to get a tattoo on my wrist before the summer, and right now my scars stick out like crazy. So if I want to minimize my scars, why do I want to keep cutting? Why right now?
I haven't cut in 12 days, but it seems a lot shorter. It seems like it was just yesterday that I cut last. I guess the days have just gone by a lot faster than I had realized.
I have a document on my lap top where I keep a list of dates that I cut. I just put 02/09/2011. I know its bad that I put that there and I haven't even cut yet, but I just know that I'm going to. And it's scary how not even myself can control the things I do.

[finding.my.wings]

hey i just wanted to reply and let you know you're not alone in this -> "I can’t shake the feeling of wanting to cut one last time."- i have the same problem. For me i have an incentive not to cut i go to a gym and wear a singlet so my arms are uncovered, they have scars but no-one looks too close i know that if i have a bandage around my arm then someone (maybe staff/instructors) would be sure too ask and then id have to lie or be honest- neither of which i am that keen to do. Maybe for you the motivation/incentive is the tattoo and short sleeves- everyone is different and has their own incentives and stuff. Also when i feel the urge coming on i automatically choose distractions whether its coming on here, reading a book, going out and seeing friends anything really to get my mind away from it.

[Katiee]

Hun, you're not a freak. You've done amazing so far. *hugs*
I'm kinda the same. I like having cuts on me, it's like 'my' thing. No one else knows, but me. Maybe you could make yourself a list of good distractions? Hope you're okay. I'm always here if you ever want to PM me. <3