I am currently a little over 3 months free from cutting. I was managing to cope with things pretty well since I got out of the hospital.That was until this week. It started off with having to take a friend to the hospital because she had a temp of 104 and it wasn't going down. Thankfully we didn't spend too much time there. She ended up need an inhaler and antibiotic and was told to watch for pneumonia.
Monday was ok, saw my therapist felt like I was getting yelled at for not doing hw. The whole session was somewhat triggering.
Then Tuesday it snowed, so afternoon classes where cancelled. I went to the cafe to buy dinner and on my way out of the building I slipped on water and fell directly on my knee on a marble floor. Campus safety was called and when he asked me to move my knee I screamed from the pain. That led to an ambulance ride. The emt asked which hospital I wanted to go to, I said I don't care do to the pain, so they brought me to the er which I don't trust (they've done several stupid thing including send my friend home with an impassable kidney stone) They took x-rays gave me crutches and sent me on my way only knowing I didn't break my knee and it was bruised.
Wednesday was a day of rest due to a snow day.
Thursday I got to come home. I was happy about that till I got here. My mom refused to let me sit in the only chair in which I could put my leg up (is this childish of me to be upset about?).
Friday I saw my regular dr about my knee (she told me that she's hoping it's just a bad sprain or else it is most likely tendon damage) then I saw my ENT who gave me an antibiotic for an ear infection. I went to get it filled only to find out it could interact with lithium. After 2 hrs at the pharmacy I ended up not changing my antibiotic.
Today all I wanted to do was rest my knee but no, every 5 min I'd have to get up and doing something my mom asked me to. Tomorrow I am going back at some point.
Anyway, all this week has made me want to do is hurt myself but I don't have anything to do that with. The biggest thing I am looking forward to tomorrow is buying blades when I go back to school. I have to go to cvs anyway to get some of my meds filled.
Sorry this is so long. I just could use some advice or support or something. you can tell me if I'm overreacting or whatever......
Big Sister:Squiggles Little Sister: PaintItBlack Cousins: dereksarah, Hollz
three months is a great achievement..... and probably theres been times in the past few months where you've really wanted to give in, and decided to resist. this can be one of those times when you show yourself how strong you are and beat the urge. hurting yourself more won't help, especially if you may already be sick, you wouldn't want anything to get infected.
maybe when you go to the store you could try and avoid the aisle where the blades are, since i think that buying them would make it much more likely that you or anyone would end up giving in to the urge.
what sort of things help you and distract you?
this is my magical medicine cabinet. Left to right they contain: courage, hope, calmness, and strength.
The magical part: They NEVER run out, so borrow some any time you want.
Hi Little Sis,
Great that you have managed 3 months free, that's a huge achievement. I'm proud of you.
Sounds like a pretty rubbish week all told. Hope your knee is feeling better and you got some time to rest it up.
I think the best advice is as above, try to avoid aisles where the blades are to reduce the temptation to buy them. If you don't have them you can't use them. That's what's got me through many days.
Also can you use the money you would have used to buy something else, something that you can use to distract yourself or to help you relax, like maybe some aromatherapy bath oils or something. Give yourself a bit of pampering to make yourself feel better.
I think perhaps your Mum could have been a little more sympathetic with regards to letting you put your knee up to rest it but once you are back at College you'll be able to do this and have the chance to rest.
PM me if you want to talk.
Well done again for 3 months, I'm pleased to hear this.
Best wishes
Liz
Thank you soo much. I don't want this to sounds bad to anyone who responds because I reallllly appreciate every response but it feels really good to have a response from my big sis :). I am trying so hard right now but it feels like everything is against me... I am watching my favorite tv show, NCIS, and it happens to be the ep where a young woman commits suicide my cutting her wrists and they show a close up of it. I know it's the only time they show it so I'm still watching it but I was expecting them to do a close of of her wrist :(. Thank you Liz and Pastexpiration. I am trying my hardest and will do my best to keep it up but I honestly don't know how much more I can take..... I will do my best to keep going though
Big Sister:Squiggles Little Sister: PaintItBlack Cousins: dereksarah, Hollz
Hi Again,
I hope you are doing better today. erhaps watching that episode of NCIS wasn't such a good idea, but it is a good show. As I no longer have a telly I don't watch as much as I used to but I do enjoy it when I get the chance to curl up in front of Mum's telly.
Keep on keeping on, that's a phrse someone said to me the other day. Didn't make sense at the time but now I realise that they were telling me not to give in and keep on fighting. It may seem like a hard long fight but you can do it and you will get there in the end.
Liz
Thank Liz...........I feel terrible but might as well tell the truth.I bought blades......I haven't used them yet but have no intention of getting rid of them either...I know that sounds bad but it's the truth.....
Big Sister:Squiggles Little Sister: PaintItBlack Cousins: dereksarah, Hollz
hey at least you're being honest. I hope you'll manage not to use them. I don't really know what to say to help but take care of yourself, you deserve to.
