Ok, this is going to sound really bad. But I think one of the main reasons I self harm is to get attention. Of course, I know I do it because I'm angry, because I'm hurting and because I want visual representation of that pain, but at the back of my mind I'm always thinking about how someone might notice the cuts and scars... and it makes me feel good I sort of want people to notice, and to ask me about it. When I'm around people I feel comfortable with, I sometimes slip my sleeves up and hope they notice. I don't run around saying "hey look what I did" but I don't make an effort to hide my arms either. I daydream about what it would be like to have someone notice, and again it makes me feel good... but then whenever I get into a situation when people actually could've seen something for real, I panic. I don't know why I want people to notice so much. I feel pretty guilty about it.
Can anyone understand?
I can understand. When you're hurting enough to hurt yourself, it kind of seems bizarre that nobody else would notice. Even though it's a personal thing, you can't believe the people closest to you wouldn't pick up on what you're going through. It's not attention seeking like running around waving scratches in people's faces, or cutting purely for the attention you'll get later. It's just wishing that someone would notice the scars and beyond the scars, see the pain you're going through.
i think that alot of people on here sorta have a knee jerk negative reaction to "attention seeking"........ but i know i've felt the same sometimes, like i want someone to notice how bad i'm feeling, even though i'm not brave enough to tell them straight out...... but anyway.... if thats what anyone has to to do get someone to care, theres still something wrong, still something that needs to be worked out, still a serious issue. i mean, needing attention is normal, and its healthy to seek for someone to care. its just not healthy to feel that the only way to do that is to hurt yourself. its just that other people often say "oh they're attention seeking" as a way of minimizing the problem, and saying that its easy to stop....
i have no idea if that made sense...... i think the bit that dollpart posted and prozacsmile pointed out is really really dead on
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I can understand too. Although I would hate for anyone else close to me to find out, I do occasionally daydream about strangers seeing my scars and reacting to them. I don't think it's for attention but maybe just wanting other to know you're in pain.
Don't feel bad about it.
I have done it myself. Sometimes we can feel so alone that we are desperate for someone to help.
It's not 'attention-seeking' as such, just a need for support and attempt to end the turmoil we feel productively.
Again , try not to feel bad, eventhough am recovered now, I still remember when i would do it because i wanted someone to see, eventhough i would cover it up and after a while my parents knew i couldn't talk to them , sometimes i did wish that someone who i could talk to would have asked me if i was okay etc. I used to think sometimes i am just doing it for attention as i wanted someone to help me , in a way, or just to let people know how much i was hurting inside asleast give them a clue by sh-ing . I did that once to a 'friend' i showed her my arm i thought i was so stupid then but now i realise i did just want her to seehow much pain i was going through. It back fired, eventhough she used to sh , she told me i was doing it for attention when i just wanted to show someone how much i was hurting, so crying out for help.
It's just wishing that someone would notice the scars and beyond the scars, see the pain you're going through.
I agree with the others on this point. I understand what you mean, I admit this whole thing has just been one massive cry for help for me in the hope that people would notice how much I'm hurting that got a little out of hand. It's not because you want attention in the sense that you're gonna get a kick out of it, like you said you worry everytime there was a potential for someone to see (the same happens to me). It's just a cry out for people to start understanding how much you're hurting, because nobody likes to be in this position and the very fact that it's so secret usually makes you want to have it known more, because you feel so isolated and alone. Please don't feel bad about it.
Do not be dismayed by the brokenness of the world. All things can be mended. Not with time, as they say, but with intention. So go. Love intentionally, extravagantly, unconditionally. The broken world awaits in darkness for the light that is you.
I've been the same.
When I first started I didn't want anyone to know at all.
But know one or two people know about it and were supportive at first, but don't mention it now and sometimes when I'm feeling hurt or ignored or left out I want to let them see cuts because it will bring attention back to me and make them ask if I'm ok. Like I want them to know that its still a problem.
I completely understand. That thought is always at that back of my mind, and when I think back to when my SH all started...I'm 99% sure I first did it to get "attention"...or, in better words, to get someone to notice how much I was struggling.
Atm my counsellor is trying to get to the bottom of where my SH started...and I haven't really been able to tell the truth yet, coz it makes me feel bad/ashamed. But we don't need to feel like that....as the other posts have said, it's normal. We want people to know how much we're hurting, and sometimes showing scars is a lot easier than words. I have also been guilty of edging up my sleeve a few times when I've been with a close friend. So don't worry, I understand how you feel. *hugs*
Heading up to four years free. I NEVER thought I'd be in this position - recovery IS possible and it is even better than you can imagine :)
In my anguish I cried to the Lord, and he answered by setting me free. Psalm 118:5
I am the same I think. I want someone to notice, but whenever I come close I panic and run (not literally) away, dodge the situation as much as I can cos I feel so.. ashamed. *hugs to you*
That totally makes sense to me... I always sort of think about what would happen if someone were to see the cuts I have, and found out about my SI. In a way, I almost want them to; but in another, I'm always trying to hide them so that doesn't happen. It's weird.
I have had people notice before, and afterward it gets awkward. Then I regret everything. So, I've just resorted to hiding everything so I don't have to go through all that awkwardness.
I don't think it's really attention-seeking since you don't go around advertising your SI. Maybe you just want someone to notice so they can help you. Just a thought *hugs*
Hope you're doing alright! Send a PM if you need to talk :)
"God take me, because I hate me" -Underoath
We are male and female. We are artists, athletes, and students. We have depression, PTSD, eating disorders, bipolar disorder, or maybe no diagnosis at all. Some of us were abused, some not. We come from all walks of life and can be any age. We are every race or religion that you can think of. Our common link is this: We are in pain. We self-injure. And we are not freaks.
I am the same I think. I want someone to notice, but whenever I come close I panic and run (not literally) away, dodge the situation as much as I can cos I feel so.. ashamed. *hugs to you*
When I first started i was exactly like this, i think yeah we are sometimes just hoping someone would maybe notice and help, but if anyone mentioned i used to freak out aswell. Asking for help (even in this way) is still scary I guess
Let the Force be with you
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i think that we kinda fantasize about the 'discovery' because we kinda hope that they'll help us feel better. and if you feel like you're doing it for attewntion, maybe you aren't getting enough positive attention. Also, the panic is 'cuz deep down, we're afraid of their reactions.
<3Lira
If you think the scars on the outside are bad you don't want to see the ones on the inside.
Self-injury is a sign of distress not madness. We should be congratulated on having found a way of surviving.- Cory Anderson
At the beginning I was like that. The first time I SH'ed was like 3 years ago and I remember, the whole time I was doing it was for someone to notice. Now here I am in 11th grade and attention to my SH is the LAST thing I want.
*side ways look*
i understand. sometimes i get urges to show people cuts when i have them, hoping they'll ask why. hoping for some understanding.
it's normal doesnt mean you're self harming to 'attention seek' (with its negative connotations). Just means you want help but struggle to put it in words if you get what i mean.
when i do show people i often hate it afterward, but is still get the urge too.
I sort of want people to notice, and to ask me about it. When I'm around people I feel comfortable with, I sometimes slip my sleeves up and hope they notice. I don't run around saying "hey look what I did" but I don't make an effort to hide my arms either. I daydream about what it would be like to have someone notice, and again it makes me feel good... but then whenever I get into a situation when people actually could've seen something for real, I panic. I don't know why I want people to notice so much. I feel pretty guilty about it. 
