got dumped

[silentdancer]

well, my partner broke it off with me, and i think i'm ok but am i really?
my therapist and i were discussing it and she seems to think that when things come up that upset me, i just shut off from them, and that the random explosions of emotion i experience that seem to be triggered by tiny things, are just all the pent-up emotion releasing.
she suggested it might be good to try and experience my emotions when they are appropriate (eg hurt, feelings of abandonment after being dumped) instead of waiting for it to re-emerge later

i'm scared though...after ignoring my feelings for so long, how do i know they won't consume me? also, how do i actually decipher what it is i'm feeling? its all so tangled up and confused with past issues that i'm not sure i can tell what's relevant. any advice? or can anyone relate?

xoxo
kaye

[hannahs04]

*hugs* I can relate, And I can sympathize. I was at that point, and what I can say is eventually If you don't start facing things now, they will all hit all of a sudden and it crashes on you and becomes really really hard. Thats what happened to me. I still start to shut down sometimes but I am able to recongize when that is happening and start dealing in small portions at a time. Its hard, I know, and sounds so complicated. But ya gotta let the emtions come without shutting down, it'll just hurt you in the end if you don't.

[dollpart]

*hugs*
i'm really sorry that happened kaye. how are you doing now?

i know what you mean about responding to emotions at the wrong times rather than recognising/ dealing with them when they are "appropriate". i often get myself in trouble exploding at seemingly ridiculous things, because when something actually bothers me i can't express it... it's all part of the SH as well.

maybe you could try writing? sometimes when you force yourself to write down the facts: "my partner broke it off with me. this presents me with x y and z problems", and only the facts, the feelings become clearer as you think that all through. as you go through it, you start to recognise different feelings (that feel weird and scary and unusual) and one by one you can work out what they are. this makes it less likely to consume you as well- it's bite-sized portions of the pain you are dealing with- maybe one of the few benefits of shutting down is that you can release the real feelings in portions. otherwise, as you say, you end up with this tangled heap that you can't make sense of, and it ends up feeling too much, or feeling like nothing at all.

also- do the stereotypical things- watch sad films, listen to music, have ice cream... i don't find it really works, but if nothing else you'll have to laugh at the cliche.
xx

[silentdancer]

thanks guys, i'l definately try the writing...it seems to be helpful for everything else so why not this? i guess this is just another skill i have to learn in order to get control of my life again.

im doing ok now, i think. am feeling a little sad, and kinda pissed off...so i guess thats healthy

lol i might have2 try the cliche'd things aswel, theyr kinda things like being nice to myself anyway, which my nurse is always on at me about lol

thanks again guys
xoxo
kaye

[tifflehan]

Go with the writing! I write so much my arm hurts!! But it really helps. It also helps that my writing book is a hello kitty one and mega cute. After that get out the Ben and Jerry ice cream. THE ONLY MEN A WOMAN EVER NEEDS!!! xxx

[silentdancer]

lol love that! i dont think we have it in new zealand though :( i;l get out the tip top instead lol

xoxo
kaye

[~Grace~]

I hope the writing has helped and that youre feeling slightly better xx