Basically I have been seriously contemplating suicide for 6 years ( I am 21 now). I am just not happy. Sometimes distracted, but those techniques (sports, video games) are getting less effective. People wouldn't know that because I am constantly joking and probably smile more than anyone I know. But I didn't kill myself for years because I had faith in a heaven where it would be ok later if I just endured or whatever. Now, I am pretty confident that I would talk myself out of liking heaven anyways. So I am unhappy and now darn near hopeless. How long should I put up with it? I have tried changing lifestyles, studying different perspectives, etc. I would give you mad props if you could help me at all.
*hugs!*
I'm really sorry you're having a rough time :( I don't know if I can offer much advice, but, I'll try
I'm glad you've been able to keep faith in Heaven- that's really good! Something that has helped me keep the courage to live is supporting different causes. Like, I support an organization called Invisible Children which is trying to free abducted child soldiers in Uganda. Helping with some of that stuff has given more meaning to my life. There are plenty of different things you could support :)
If you do get down to a point where you don't think you can go on (which I hope doesn't happen!) maybe you could try 'procrastinating' your death. Even saying "I'll wait until tomorrow to do it" can turn into multiple days, weeks, months, etc. Things will get better :)
I really hope you can hang in there! You can ALWAYS send a message if you want to talk!
Ooh! I see you're quite new :) Welcome to RYL :)
*more hugs and love*
"God take me, because I hate me" -Underoath
We are male and female. We are artists, athletes, and students. We have depression, PTSD, eating disorders, bipolar disorder, or maybe no diagnosis at all. Some of us were abused, some not. We come from all walks of life and can be any age. We are every race or religion that you can think of. Our common link is this: We are in pain. We self-injure. And we are not freaks.
I can give more descriptions I suppose. I feel totally tfake. I feel like a sitcom character (Jazz from Fresh Prince or something) I am just a man of gimmicks. But I have been working so hard to just be entertaining for so long that I guess I think its not even fake anymore. But I still feel that way.
Next issue, I have a brutal conscience. I think I am totally unforgiving. Not that I hold grudges with anyone. But I don't forgive them. Whenever I think somebody does something stupid I come up with some hypothetical that no matter how bad it looks they may have done it with good intentions. So I can "forgive" them because maybe I don't know enough of the situation. However, when I screw up I know my intentions.
well, I feel pretty lame continuing my rant... but I don't know if I was clear enough. I am planning on my suicide. Like I have narrowed it down to two ways that I would be willing to go. I have been trying to break off relationships with family, friends so it won't hurt quite as much. I have never felt so disconnected. My girlfriend broke up with me- and it hurt because I love her tons. She really was about as cool as girlfriends get. But I am not the first or the last dude that will have a broken heart. The problem is I don't even want another girlfriend because I don't think I am stable enough that I could ask some poor girl to trust me. I have made my list of how to divide my stuff. I have started my suicide letter. It just feels like it could be any day now. I am not so scared of hell anymore because I can't imagine a heaven worth living in.
and I have tried charity stuff. It used to help when I felt that I was actually doing good. I was a missionary for 2 years- and I do think I helped a lot of people. But now I am too tired or too oblivious to find good chances to really help someone- and it still can only make me feel good for a moment.
I don't know if there is anything someone can say- but I will listen to anything at this point.
Please don't do anything to yourself :( There are so many people who care about you! We're all here to help you out and see you through this. There's not much else I can say, but, I really hope you're ok. You can always send a message if you want to talk about anything.
love you!
"God take me, because I hate me" -Underoath
We are male and female. We are artists, athletes, and students. We have depression, PTSD, eating disorders, bipolar disorder, or maybe no diagnosis at all. Some of us were abused, some not. We come from all walks of life and can be any age. We are every race or religion that you can think of. Our common link is this: We are in pain. We self-injure. And we are not freaks.
Even if you try to cut off your family and friends, it will still hurt them A LOT, regardless of however you have acted towards them recently. And that is an understatement. You are important to them. Since you are considering this so seriously, bring up how you're feeling to somebody. They would rather hear about you considering this than hearing that you have already done it. Not telling anybody about your problems is unfair to yourself, and also to the people who love you.
Also, have you tried talking to a counselor or therapist? I know that probably doesn't sound appealing right now, but you have nothing to lose in trying.
I'm sorry if I'm being harsh here, but this is important. I think you have a lot of potential for happiness, you seem intelligent, and you have people who care about you. You're not a lost cause, and I think that this stuff would be worth trying and could genuinely help you.
