Why is it that people reply to threads with uneccessary and hurtful attitude. Like making immediate judgements and just having general attitude. Why do you need to do that? Particularly when you dont know someone, i feel like sometimes people just think people are bullsh*ting all the time. But without knowing someone how can you decide that judgement people are seriously trying to get some help and get attitude back 1) its upsetting to the poster and can cause all sorts of reactions because they feel hurt or unbelieved and 2) it makes here feel more unsafe and unpleasent. I know i could be believed here where i get lots of crap in the real world and i used to feel protected and spend as much time here as i felt accepted.. and actually had friends and contact. Its not that place anymore I've changed my account because i was fed up with attitude and judgement i was getting and was getting triggered off by it all as i was left to feel completely alone. I thought it would change when i didnt have such a well known name.. but no it still happens and i see it happen to loads of other people. Its upsetting. People who are judged themselves shouldnt be judging others.. where;s the rationale in that?
Im mainly talking abot posts where people are posting for support, advice and help, not the ones in which are mean, targetting and actually need action taken on. its when people post for help and they get attitude.. i dont think its right. I just think if you feel the need to respond with attitude.. even if it is trolling or you feel its bullsh*t just think for a moment people may be acting this way due to their pain and there may be truth behind lies or those lies are believed by the person and also it may be true we dont know and i dont think we should enforce judgement. Also if you know you can respond in such ways because of your illness or what not can you review what you have written and review it and see if its the sort of post you'd like when you're vulnerable and needing support. Or give yourself 5-10 mins to get immediate off the dot reaction out of your system before responding.
i dont want trouble please i just thought it could be put out there
“There is no sun without shadow, and it is essential to know the night.”
I don't see that in the posts you make... maybe it's difficult to guage tone over the internet. I notice that you post this after I made a comment on your thread. It wasn't meant to be critical in any way, simply encouraging you to explore your feelings and use your skills to get what you need. I get the feeling that your mind is already in the place where you feel disbelieved and so you interpret everyone's response to be such, when it isn't the intention. That said, I'm not going to be arrogant as to say it's all your perception.
When you get the same members post about the same things in different threads it can be frustrating to others.
If we give the same advice over and over to the same person it gets frustrating when they don`t take heed to what advice is being given.
When you get the same members make up excuses for everything, why they cant do this, they cant do that etc etc... it becomes frustrating.
Ive noticed a few threads where people have been negative to a member, including myself, but if they make excuses for everything, don`t listen to any sort of advice, and keep making the same threads over and over again about the same thing then of course people are going to get annoyed and this seems to be happening a lot here recently.
Sometimes people just have to be harsh to be kind for a member to actually listen
<3 <3 <3 Love you with all my heart baby girl. I miss you so much 21/11/11 RIP beautiful
I don't see that in the posts you make... maybe it's difficult to guage tone over the internet. I notice that you post this after I made a comment on your thread. It wasn't meant to be critical in any way, simply encouraging you to explore your feelings and use your skills to get what you need. I get the feeling that your mind is already in the place where you feel disbelieved and so you interpret everyone's response to be such, when it isn't the intention. That said, I'm not going to be arrogant as to say it's all your perception.
No no no it wasnt aimed at anyone on my current threads hun, i've always appreciated your responses i hadnt noticed your response when i wrote this, i still havent read it but i will. Thank you for replying and it wasnt aimed at you im sorry you thought i was targetting you.
Its not aimed at anyone in particular as loads of people do it. And i understand im overly sensitive i know that im just in a very critical world. I just know others may feel in such ways.
I definately hadnt known you responded to my thread before writing this. Sorry you thought it was. I hope this hasnt upset you it really wasnt aimed at you i promise.
“There is no sun without shadow, and it is essential to know the night.”
No it definitely didn't upset me. I'm sorry if it came across that way. It's clear to me that you're going through a very difficult time and I also understand how sometimes, in my life, I have felt very attacked and misunderstood by people because so many people in my family or friendship group had genuinely been attacking me. I hope that makes some sort of sense.
It's good to bring up any issues you see around the RYL community.
When you get the same members post about the same things in different threads it can be frustrating to others.
If we give the same advice over and over to the same person it gets frustrating when they don`t take heed to what advice is being given.
When you get the same members make up excuses for everything, why they cant do this, they cant do that etc etc... it becomes frustrating.
Ive noticed a few threads where people have been negative to a member, including myself, but if they make excuses for everything, don`t listen to any sort of advice, and keep making the same threads over and over again about the same thing then of course people are going to get annoyed and this seems to be happening a lot here recently.
Sometimes people just have to be harsh to be kind for a member to actually listen
Oh yes i totally agree, empathise and understand everything you just said i have had personal experience with a lot of that and i get that way with them. Its more when someone isnt excessive poster and whatnot its just that they get attitude randomly and for no reason... thats when i dont really get it. Im one of the people who checks someones profile and how often they write such things before acting.. (i know that sounds creepy... its not meant in such a way) maybe that can be an action?? i dont know..
“There is no sun without shadow, and it is essential to know the night.”
because people who self harm are the most judgmental towards other people that self harm.
This.
But also because some people prefer to give straight-talking advice. Sometimes you need to hear things you'd rather not. It might come across as having attitude or being harsh or whatever, but ultimately it is more useful that "aww, that's awful *hugs*". Tone cannot be judged over text.
Sometimes that immediate reaction needs to be said, rather than trying to sugar-coat it.
I do think misunderstandings occur easily online, but, when we are in pain we can cause others pain without even thinking and I feel that happens alot online. Patience is something we need to keep working on, thinking through before we respond, deciding if we are actually being helpful. xxx
The humans they see a mind so messy, but it's love and emotion divine.
What do you define as attitude? How do you know someone is judging someone else? This is the internet, it's hard to interpet text.
As stated, some people don't believe in sugar coating advice. That can come across as "attitude" but really a lot of the time it's just what people don't want to hear.
Also, some people may know certain members and it can be frustrating when the same posters post about the same stuff and refuse to take advice or to even take into account other viewpoints or suggestions. In those cases, there comes a time when you need to just say it like it is.
ok not attitude but being rude and im not wanting arguments if someone is saying they're suicidal or want to do something risky and someone says ok go do it and they actually do... even if they post alot and cries wolf alot you can just react bluntly as they may actually do it. Everyone on here is vulnerable and we need to remember that. I believe if say its you posting think what you would want to hear in some cases yes be cruel to be kind but thats not to include being rude.
I do think misunderstandings occur easily online, but, when we are in pain we can cause others pain without even thinking and I feel that happens alot online. Patience is something we need to keep working on, thinking through before we respond, deciding if we are actually being helpful. xxx
This
The whole 'because people who self harm are the most judgmental towards other people that self harm' i think is true but isnt everyone, im certainly not i dont judge people who are in pain and want to harm them selves in anyway.. people should empathise more than judge. If anything you know the pain. And if you're the whole 'oh its not that bad, im way worse' 'oh thats nothing in comparison to this' 'you want to die/ si just because of that!?' yatta yatta everyone has different pain thresholds we are all different and if we are all judgemental over other si'ers then we need to get over ourselves because in that case we're creating more pain then help.
I agree with the people who repeatedly post over and over and dont take advice and that i thinks alright.. but people with one off post who dont do that and they get rudeness back that would occurr the same with the repetetive posters and just assuming they're exactly the same proves evidence as judgement.
Its like the loud kids in class being ignored and then the quiet kid in the corner being snapped at by the teacher (which causes that kid to get upset/ angry/ hurt).
“There is no sun without shadow, and it is essential to know the night.”
ok not attitude but being rude and im not wanting arguments if someone is saying they're suicidal or want to do something risky and someone says ok go do it and they actually do... even if they post alot and cries wolf alot you can just react bluntly as they may actually do it. Everyone on here is vulnerable and we need to remember that. I believe if say its you posting think what you would want to hear in some cases yes be cruel to be kind but thats not to include being rude.
If they actually do then it is on them. That is still their choice. No one on here can make anyone else do anything.
Have you post-reported any of these posts?
It might have been a "Why don't you?" type of post, which, although perhaps badly written, is probably trying to get the person to think about why they don't want to do it.
Also if you know you can respond in such ways because of your illness or what not can you review what you have written and review it and see if its the sort of post you'd like when you're vulnerable and needing support. Or give yourself 5-10 mins to get immediate off the dot reaction out of your system before responding.
Personally, no I can't review what I'm posting, wait 5 minutes etc. if I'm manic / impulsive. Not saying that things said whilst 'ill' deserve any different treatment re. the rules like lenience or whatever but it's those very things that can't be done for lack of judgment at times.
Stop thinking about what I want, what he wants, what your parents want. What do you want?
Reserved for a TL;DR post where I hit Claire's and Erin's points; use the term bubble wrap; and mention the fact that the point of RYL is not to make people feel good through warm an fuzzy replies but to challenge you to recovery.
Then wear the gold hat, if that will move her;
If you can bounce high, bounce for her too,
Till she cry "Lover, gold-hatted, high-bouncing lover,
I must have you!"
Thomas Parke D’Invilliers
if someone is saying they're suicidal or want to do something risky and someone says ok go do it and they actually do... even if they post alot and cries wolf alot you can just react bluntly as they may actually do it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Claire
If they actually do then it is on them. That is still their choice. No one on here can make anyone else do anything.
Maybe, but it's hardly supportive in a support post.. to tell someone who is suicidal to go & do it?
Maybe, but it's hardly supportive in a support post.. to tell someone who is suicidal to go & do it?
I didn't say it was. I pointed out one way that it could be, if worded a bit poorly.
However, even if someone does say that, the act of harming yourself is still your choice. In the same way I can't force someone to go to a doctor, I can't force someone to harm themselves. Even if something 'triggers' someone else, the choice to act on that still lies with the individual. The problem of the 'trigger' lies with the individual, not with the person who caused it.
Last edited by The One Who : 03-02-2011 at 12:33 PM.
Was it just an example or did you actually see it on here?
I have seen it happen on RYL. It wasn't that long ago, the thread was deleted and the member in question got very upset about it.
It was not and could not ever be the right thing to do. Challenge someone to think about alternate ways, yes, but never in the form of 'go and die'.
This doesn't happen frequently but it has happened, which is sad.
I appreciate RYL isn't to bubble wrap but is a stepping stone to help on the outside world but people are very different. Some people need more encouragement than others because of their past or their personality or some other reason - none of which makes them wrong for posting.
I know that you should aim to put what you want from replies in your post but often people are too distressed to do this and they are posting for hugs or someone to hear/listen to them rather than advice. I think that it is a place people can go through. If people on the outside world are not listening to them then maybe the people of RYL will. And threatening suicide and suchlike can sometimes be the only way in which people feel they will be heard. I know that sometimes when I post for support thoughts go through my mind that people will only reply to more severe distress. I usually get past this and don't post things like that - and it wouldn't mean I was lying - but if you look around the forums, people can get more replies to negative posts rather than positive ones. This is another issue in itself and has been discussed at length, however.
Perhaps not in crisis times (specifically, the FA forum), but in others, people simply want to be listened to or heard when they feel they cannot get this in the offline community.
Personally, no I can't review what I'm posting, wait 5 minutes etc. if I'm manic / impulsive. Not saying that things said whilst 'ill' deserve any different treatment re. the rules like lenience or whatever but it's those very things that can't be done for lack of judgment at times.
ok i can understand that as im often like that. But maybe if you are in such a way (obviously only if you can tell you are) maybe just think of getting support rather than providing it for others? When you're not welll it isnt good to be draining yourself as such, you need to keep your energy for helping you fight it.
Also i do see the whole 'go an do it' plenty of times and shine i think you hit the nail on the head with what i was trying to say
“There is no sun without shadow, and it is essential to know the night.”
i dont want trouble please i just thought it could be put out there
<3 <3 <3 Love you with all my heart baby girl. I miss you so much 21/11/11 RIP beautiful
i know that im just in a very critical world. I just know others may feel in such ways. 
