Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Missouri, USA
I am currently:  
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Back to Tell My Story
Hello! I'm Jen (wow, this sounds like an introduction post), and I've been a member of RYL for about a year. You may have seen me around, especially if you hung around the Dissociative Disorders Thread for any amount of time. I left recently because I have been doing so well in recovery that I didn't need the support here anymore, but now that I am doing so well, I decided to return and give back some of that great support I got.
First of all (now I'm going into acceptance speech mode), I'd just really like to thank everyone who helped me while I was doing so badly just five or six months ago. It was the darkest time in my life, and that is saying something. Probably the thing that made RYL most valuable at that time was that not even my parents knew half as much as you all did about how much I was struggling. I felt a lot of pressure to pretend I was doing alright at the time, but RYL was somewhere I could go where I didn't have to pretend anymore.
Specifically for those fabulous men and ladies in the Dissociative Disorders Thread, Thank you for unconditionally hearing what I told you all as I discovered the existence of the Others, and supporting me through the crises that followed. Half the time I was denouncing myself as a fraud and a faker, but your continued acceptance helped me to accept myself in turn.
Alright, enough with the thank-yous. Time to get down to the nitty-gritty of this whole thing. What helped me recover, how I got to this place. Let me just say right now--this is what helped ME. It may or may not help you, but they're all worth a try. Without further ado, here we go!
Getting a therapist who worked for me. Yeah, it's easier said than done, and I know what some of you are going through. I went through...(quick headcount)...three different therapists in several years before I struck the one that pushed me over the edge into lasting recovery. It's worth waiting for, trust me, and every therapist helped me to some degree or another.
Working through some bad stuff. Did I dread it? Uh-huh. Was it hard as hell? Double affirmative. Was it completely worth it?
I'm looking for a word stronger and more positive than yes, but that's the best I've got, so...YES.
Work through what's bothering you, not on the surface, but deep in that dark damp corner of your mind you wouldn't touch with a thirty-foot pole, and suddenly the fuel for you ED, SI, depression, whatever, will go down substantially. It'll still take work to recover, but it got damn easier for me.
Next, I got back out there. I'd been basically confined to the house for a few months following a suicide attempt, but once I did the above things, even though I was scared, it was time to get back on the horse, so to speak. I got a new job, worked toward my license, and it was pretty bad at first. I cried, I stressed, I gripped the steering wheel until my hands hurt, I thought for sure I would crack under the pressure...but I didn't. And I wasn't even pretending to be okay. I got stressed, calmed down, and moved on without relapsing. Over and over. Holy crap, I could do this life thing.
After some more time of settling down mentally, I got down to the serious and silly business of living. My life was narrow before, but now, so many things interest me it's hard to pick just one to focus on for the next hour or so. Some of the choices I have:
Work, cleaning my apartment, sports, webcomics, Star Wars, writing, activism, mental health advocacy, research, learning, studying, food (all kinds of it!), volunteering, church, religion, laughing, jokes, cats, biology, physics, anatomy, medicine...
...My God, how can I just sit here writing this?! So much to learn, so much to discover, so much good to do in the world!
I hope I contributed somehow with this post. I'll stick around and do my best to do more!
Sincerely,
--Jen
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