So i'm all moved in (not unpacked but in) to my new place. It's across the road from my grandma so i'm close and stuff. Going back to Mat's place was an option but i just... I would never ever be comfortable there again and would always be waiting for the shoe to drop so to speak. So this is a good move. It's close to my doctor and counsellor and family and stuff. Mat will be coming up to stay a few nights a week but not every night cause it's an hour and a half drive for him to get to work and that's crazy. So a few nights a week i'm going to be on my own. I know it's right over the road from my nan and I've known the people upstairs for like... ever (another one of those family friends who remembers me in nappy's >.<).
But i'm worried about being alone at night. So I'm wondering about how people cope and stuff? With no one in the house it's much easier to not fight and just cut. This is a big step for me cause it was only last week that I almost died from od'ing and stuff. But I am scared. Soooo.... help?
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
Well congratulations to you for taking such a big scary step! I live alone (well with my two kids) And after the kids go to bed the urges do kick in as there is no one to hide from. I have taken up emroidery, working out, and listening to music in my bed to help fight the urges. Hope this helps and good luck :)
<3~Solo is my sissy~ <3
Don't look behind you, you aren't traveling that direction.
Jess, I think this is a really important step for you. I know it will be difficult, especially at first but you have the opportunity to take some control and responsibility for yourself whilst still having support around you. I think if you let it then this will be very good for you. Kind of like a 'half way' step, if that is what you choose to make it. You have your own safe space, with Mat there to support for half the week and for the other half you can be by yourself and use that time to build up your confidence and coping skills and if/when that seems too much then you can pop across the road and see your Nan or go and see your old family friends. You can do this Jess. I think this is a great (although I appreciate, scary) opportunity for you hun.
I have lived alone alot after Keith left and it can be hard.
If you're feeling urges, try calling friends, any type of distraction. I imagine your Kinect would be a good one :).
Also..you can always come here. I did that alot when I was alone. Even if no one is online, I would just keep posting on my thread to keep myself busy, lol. We wont mind :)
Well it's been a week in the new place and it's going okay. Everything is finally set up though my kitchen is a bit muddled. Mathew came down every night last week to help me settle and tonight will be my first night truly alone so I guess we'll see how it goes.
Thanks guys :)
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
I will be thinking of you even if I feel a bit silly doing so. I *know* you can do this Jess (see....told you I had super powers :P). You will do fine, amazingly, awesomely great :P
You've done well Jess, moving into a new place by yourself can be scary but you've done well and I think this is a good step for you. I think what helps me is having a list of stuff to do to distract myself if the urges get too much. Hold on there hun
"Recovery is something that you have to work
on every single day and it's
something that doesn't
get a day off."
Thanks ladies :) my cousin came over for a visit but she is staying across the road at my nans. I bit my tongue and have a nasty hole :( I'm going... okay? I dunno. I'm anxious and kinda breathing a bit fast... but i'm hoping it wont get worse. I don't have any blades. Just my kitchen knives and they're ****. Yeah. Anyways. Thanks :) I'll let y'all know tomorrow how I go :)
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
Didn't sleep till 6 am. Had a big cry and sent mat sad messages saying he should be with someone who wont split his family up and i'm a faulure. He sent a message back this morning saying he loved me and would be giving me lots of cuddles tonight and that i'm not a failure. He loves me. Poor boy.
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
Jess honey, you have to find a way to challenge this 'I'm a failure' mode that you seem to go into whenever somebody hurts you or you are feeling like crap. It is NOT your fault you feel like this, you did nothing wrong to deserve it. With his family, again....not your fault but you won't believe that or move forward no matter how many times me or mat or anyone else tells you until you start to challenge the 'negative' Jess. You can do it hun. I know you can.
I'm sorry you had a bad night *sends lots of cuddles*, hopefully tomorrow night will be better though. Be kind to yourself Jess xx
Mat is here tonight. I feel... calmer with him here. Not happy but calmer. He is coming down tomorrow night as well. I think my moods flipping so quickly is worrying him more than he's letting me know. I love him. I really don't deserve him.
I don't know how to challenge the negative me. Or is it more that since I believe it to be true I don't feel the need to challenge it? I dunno. The confrontation and stuff of the family is not being handled by me. It's been taken out of my hands. Me? I told everyone to just leave it cause I deserve what is done. *shrugs* i'm going to have a hot shower and then curl up in bed and try to sleep. I really need slepe.
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
Is the place quiet when no one is around? Maybe you can put some music/tv for some noise and try to occupy yourself with something u like doing? Or even maybe just go for a walk around the block to try and clear your thoughts? Keep at it! Ur doing well in keeping safe there!
