do you ever feel that your self harm isnt bad enough?!? like you should have done it deeper or more or whatever!? i dont no why but i usually never think that it isnt bad enough even when i get to the point of needing to go to the nurse or something! i get so competitive (not the greatest way to describe it) but it did used to be a lot worse a while back so i feel i should be doing it as bad i did then. its like imi obsessed with my body as i hate it and just wont leave it alone
sorry weird question
Last edited by sherbet lemon : 30-01-2011 at 02:18 AM.
That always happens to me! Didn't know anyone else felt the same way...
I always think I should be doing worse damage to myself. It's like... I could go deeper or something. That, and, I get a weird feeling when I don't have any fresh cuts on my body. I'm not really satisfied unless there's always some mark somewhere on me.
Don't think it's a weird question at all!
*hugs*
"God take me, because I hate me" -Underoath
We are male and female. We are artists, athletes, and students. We have depression, PTSD, eating disorders, bipolar disorder, or maybe no diagnosis at all. Some of us were abused, some not. We come from all walks of life and can be any age. We are every race or religion that you can think of. Our common link is this: We are in pain. We self-injure. And we are not freaks.
I'm sometimes that way too. It's like when I'm doing it to just do it (which doesn't happen so often) then it's like I concentrate on the cuts and sometimes feel like it's not good enough. But when I'm self harming on impulse, or just because I need to stop feeling angry, then I don't really care about doing enough damage, I just want to stop feeling angry or something like that..
So I don't think this is weird! :D
I totally feel the same, so you're not alone.
Even though I know what I'm doing is dangerous, I feel my wounds should always be worse or deeper. It's weird, I never show my arms or scars, but I always think if anyone were to see them, they'd think they were pathetic even though I know I've caused a lot of damage. I also get competitive with myself, I constantly feel I have to top my last wound. So yeah if your weird, well so am I =)
I think a lot of self-harmers can identify with those feelings.
The important thing to remember is that thoughts and actions are two different things, and just because you think something doesn't mean it must be done. As for the competitive aspect, again I think that's something many struggle with, whether it be competitive with self or others, but that is a dangerous game to play.
thank you all this has reassured me that its not just me. but the thing is i sort of feel this a lot and ive been thinking of worse ways to hurt myself apart from cutting.
i think im going to try and get an appointment at the doc tomrrow to try to talk to him and to try to bring my cpn referral faster too.
i know how u feel. sometimes i feel like i dont deserve to be depressed or to self-harm. but everyone is different, and the severity of your self harm shouldnt matter, ur still struggling and hurting.
~If you look in the mirror and don't like what you see.. you can find out first hand what it's like to be me..~
WhichyWay is my baby sister.. I love you baby girl ^_^
Thank you for making this thread because i feel that way all the time and was never able to say it for fear of people thinking i was fake or attention seeking or something... no matter how bad i hurt myself it's never enough and it never feels justified to get help, i feel like i'm taking that away from people who are struggling worse...
Be prepared to be stitched without aneasthetic because they'll want to teach you a lesson. They might even have you locked away for a while.
I understand why you said this, and i understand it's something that you're really
passionate about but saying things like that is not at all helpful, it is actually detrimental and can cause people not to seek medical help when they need it. I know it has been true in some places with some doctors, the opposite is also true where you will be treated with compassion and if not understood then at least not condemned.
I'm sorry that was you're experience but please do not try and scare people with it, even out of the best of intentions because like i said it could be the difference between someone getting help and someone seriously risking themselves by not doing so because of fear of that happening to them.
I hope this doesnt sound harsh or anything, i just think it's important.
I'm the same way. If I'm cutting to punish, it's never 'bad' enough to fix me. If I'm in a funk where I really feel ashamed about cutting, my cuts are never 'deep enough' to count - not bad enough to actually mean I have a problem, just enough to be pathetic and weak. It's definitely not a good way to think about things… especially since my cuts have been getting progressively worse… but yeah, I'm the same - competitive for lack of better words.
Silence can be golden but gold can sometimes suffocate
Like that girl in that James Bond film, too late to respirate
Tragedy can be plain to see with lights and sirens
But sometimes it ain't quite so clear, Domestic Silence
~Scroobius Pip
Yes, I can relate so much. No matter what I do to myself it is never enough, I have found myself thinking, I just need to do X and then I'll be able to stop. No matter how badly I cut it seems like nothing, even though I know that if I'd thought when I started that it would get like this, I'd have been horrified.
That's really why I am now trying to stop again - and doing okay, actually. Because I can see that no matter what I do it is never going to be enough, or not for long anyway. It's not helping, and that's not because I'm not doing it badly enough but because it's the wrong kind of thing altogether. And it's just going to keep getting worse and worse.
It is good that you're trying to get help with this, I hope it does help. And yes, you're not alone in feeling like that. x
"I know you're sad, so I won't tell you to have a good day. Instead, I advise you to simply have a day.
Stay alive, feed yourself well, wear comfortable clothes, and don't give up on yourself just yet.
It'll get better. Until then, have a day."
Take Care, Stay Safe, Shout if you need anything
