I keep telling myself, my parents, and my friends that I've stopped but the sad truth is I can't even last a week without cutting... Ever since I promised id stop I have cut multiple times, not at all bad just enough to bleed, and carved pathetic into my thigh. That was the first time I'd ever carved words or anything for that matter. My best friend triggers me and shes the one who called me pathetic and she keeps telling me she is going to tell our schools guidance counselor but she keeps putting it off and I can't keep worrying about it every day!! I can't handle it anymore! I'm in basketball at the moment so can only cut my thighs but im runnin out of room and I feel like I have to cut before games so I play better which really doesn't help... At all!! I wish it did though! I want to stop... I do but I don't know how!!! HELP... Please! I hate myself, I hate cutting, I hate the guilt, I hate the lying, and I hate feeling so alone... Help please well maybe some advice.. Sorry for the rant, I had to get it out..
I'm glad you want to stop. I know this is a difficult thing to do; it's a hard thing to live with, but it can sometimes seem impossible to live without. Maybe because your parents know, instead of lying to them you can have an honest conversation with them. Be open and tell that that you have been trying to stop, so you haven't been completely lying to them. Maybe you (with your parents) could look into getting some professional help. After a while, self harm becomes something you can't quit on your own.
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."-Dr. Seuss
Maybe you should tell your friends and family the truth. I can see where you're coming from, but they will be able to help you better if you're honest.
Why did your best friend call you pathetic? If it was over the cutting, realize that she probably doesn't understand what it's like for you (though that doesn't make it okay for her to say that) and she could just be worried about you. I was in a similar situation about a year ago- I had a best friend who called me a mess and threatened to tell the guidance counselor or my mother and all that. She also made me cry a few times. Very stressful. I was angry at her for a long time, but realizing she was acting on worry from the situation helped me forgive her.
Is your best friend the only thing that triggers you, and has she been triggering you for a long time? How does she do it other than the things you mentioned in your post?
Sorry if I'm seeming invasive, I'm just trying to get a good idea of your situation so I can give you some advice that's less general and pertains more to you.
I think it's important that you see a therapist if possible. It might be helpful if you talked to the guidance counselor yourself, but if your parents are supportive maybe they can get you help. It seems like talking to somebody would be good for you.
Also, throwing out any of the tools you normally use can be helpful. That way you're not tempted by something in immediate reach.
Last edited by popsicle : 28-01-2011 at 05:06 AM.
Reason: misplaced word
Yes... Yes it is. Well they haven't asked me about it for a while, I never cut when they are around so they don't know.. They try to talk just like in general to see if I'm okay but I get annoyed by it and it bugs me! But I dont want to let them down because I know they won't understand.. Ya I should but idk if I can.. I dont know if I have the guts. Thanks tho!
Ya I should but I don't wanna let them down... My family wouldn't understand and my friends will just get mad but I think they know I've started again cause I always do.. She called me pathetic because we got into a fight about me cutting and then I kept trying to apologize and stuff and I told her I needed her so I could stop... I become really dependent for my friends to make me feel better.. And I'm afraid of losing another friend because she's all I have left and I can't deal with another person ditching me as a friend... It just makes me worse.. Ya I know she cares but she doesn't do a very good job of showing it! No she isn't the only thing.. I'm easily triggered especially if I see my two best friends that I thought I'd always have but don't anymore everyday at school.. If I even see there names i get triggered, or if I'm stressed or worried about like school or a basketball game or something.. My friend has only trigger me for the past couple weeks but it's more cause she won't talk to me or look at me and I can't do anything about it right now.. I hate being alone!!! No it's totally fine it doesn't bother me..
Ya I should go see someone but I don't wanna ask my parents to do that, and I've been told on once before to my schools guidance counselor and was supposed to have stopped so itll be weird to have to talk to her.... Again! Yah it would help but I just don't know.. Ya I wish I could but I use razors and they're usually still attached cause I use them to shave and dont want my parents to find out but if I find any I do have, I'll try to throw them out... Thank you very much tho!!!!
I didn't think I could ever ask for help. So I told myself that things weren't bad. Eventually I ended up skipping class to go to emergency counseling because I was so frightened of what my mind was telling me to do. I still am sometimes. Don't let it get that far. If you open up to your parents, they may not understand, that's true. I wouldn't want to tell my parents, but I'm 21 and don't have to. Try to help them understand. Find some reading materials for them, maybe?
If you decide to talk to your counselor again, she won't judge you. She is there to help. You'll get more out of the experience if you are honest, I believe.
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."-Dr. Seuss
Yah... Because we don't want to know the truth... That maybe there is something wrong but at least you went and got help which is all that matters! I know they aren't going to understand. Ya maybe but I just would rather not bring it up again eventhough I know it's going to be eventually...
I know she won't judge me but I think I promised her I'd stop and when she did the follow up I told her I was fine and at that moment in time I think I was but she'll probably just think I lied and all I want is attention cause a different person is telling this time.. But that's not true... well I don't think so anyway!!! I hope not!! Yah you're right whether I like it or not you're right... Thanks!
You should be the one to go the counselor. Don't let someone report you. Tell her you've been struggling, and you think she could help you. If she doesn't have to training to help you, she might be able to point you to someone who can, and she might be able to prepare you or help you talk with your parents.
If you truly feel like you're tired of living this way, you can get help. I know you can. I am one of the most spineless people on the planet. If I can get myself help, you can too. I promise.
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."-Dr. Seuss
Yah but my friend was gonna tell her I stopped but that she was still worried or something like that.... If I went and talked id have to tell her he truth. I should but I'd be to afraid, I already don't want her to tell... Yah maybe.
