Struggling at the moment. Any advice is more than welcome.

tifflehan · 24-01-2011, 12:52 PM

Hi. I have been on here a few times but haven't done much, but right now I could do with some help. I am 39, bipolar, married and have a beautiful 19 year old daughter who I am soooo proud of. I started sh at the age of 16 have been doing it on and off since then. I stopped for about 6 years but over the past year and since my bipolar diagnoses, I have slipped back into it. My daughter is so upset about the whole thing and can't get her head around it at all. She has always thought it to be her fault I am upset or stressed or whatever, and no amount of talking to her helps. She started crying last night after seeing some recent new scars on my arm. She said it had to be her fault. that she wants to fix me. That she wants to take my pain away. This broke my heart and I really don't know what to do. All I know is I have to stop the sh. Help?

ˈsäləˌterē · 24-01-2011, 01:35 PM

~Tiffany~ I dunno what your faith is, but I'm prayin for you. If it helps, I'm 40 with a husband and two boys, 12 and 16. It sometimes helps to talk to someone you feel can relate in that way. The first question I have for you is, who do you want to stop for? Feel free to pm or e-mail me if you'd like to talk privately.

tifflehan · 24-01-2011, 01:44 PM

Thank solo, it means alot. I want to stop for me but I want to stop for her more. It almost feels like if I can stop the sh, then it takes a whole load of pressure of her shoulders. I'm a mum first and foremost and need to take care of my daughter. In stopping the sh, I'm doing that.

crazykat · 24-01-2011, 01:54 PM

It's always hard when you family and friends around that know about your self-harm because no matter what you do it is always going to hurt them. Do you have any professional support? As they may be able to help you work towards reducing your self-harm till you reach a point where you don't need it anymore.

If you are serious about stopping to be able to recover first you need to work out what is causing you to self-harm in the first place and then you need to replace self-harm with more healthier coping strategies. It will be by no means easy and you will probably have a few slip-ups along the way but with the right support and coping strategies you can beat this. The important thing to remember if you do slip up, don't beat yourself up over it as it will most likely just continue the viscous cycle. Instead pick yourself up and keep trying.

You may also find it useful to read preparing to stop self-harming, Sticking to stopping and you may also want to have a look at this list of distractions. You can get through this, here if you need anything. Take care
Kat xxx

tifflehan · 24-01-2011, 01:58 PM

Thanks so much guys. I don't really have professional support. I know I can do this and I know it won't be easy. I think thats the hardest part. xx

crazykat · 24-01-2011, 02:00 PM

Do you think professional support is something worth looking into?

Sketchy · 24-01-2011, 04:58 PM

I agree with Kat, perhaps professional support is worth looking into. I'm afraid I have no useful advise, as I don't have children, but I guess what is hard is that she doesn't understand it. It's not something you understand unless you've been through it yourself. Maybe her knowing you want to fight this and talking to her when she has calmed down might help. Is there even someone else who understands that can talk to her, let her know stopping can be a long process and that it is no way her fault?

tifflehan · 24-01-2011, 05:21 PM

My husband used to sh too, infact we met on a forum similar to this!! He spoke to her about it but I guess she needs to process it herself now. The older she has got, the harder she is finding it to deal with. She also struggles with my bipolar diagnoses and I think, like me, she wants the old mum back. Thanks though everyone. You are all a great help. xxx