this is gonna sound weird
and i dont know what to say
but well ive kind anot been harming as i seem to of lost my nerve
and im struggling with this fact
i know its really a good thing but to me its making me feel so weak and pathetic that im not
i feel like im not a proper self harmer or something and im desperate to start again but cant seem to
i know noone can advise me how to start again but can someone help me deal with feeling this maybe?
sorry to ask and be a pain
"A penny for my thoughts, oh no, I'll sell 'em for a dollar
They're worth so much more after I'm a goner
And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singin'
Funny when you're dead how people start listenin'"
hey
i think i can relate to this, i sometimes feel this way too. I used to SH a lot more often than i am at the moment and even thhough i still want to sometimes i cant do it. I feel like im not good enough at it, like i should be able to do it whenever i want. In a way i sorta want to go back to how i used to be even though i was in a really bad place then, at least i felt good at it. I dont have a lot of advice since i havent managed to overcome it but i know how you feel :)
"A penny for my thoughts, oh no, I'll sell 'em for a dollar
They're worth so much more after I'm a goner
And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singin'
Funny when you're dead how people start listenin'"
This doesn't make you useless, or weak, though I can understand why you feel that way.
Try and see it from this perspective: To most people, the thought of harming themselves is alien, and faced with the act, I doubt most people could. Self harm is not normal, it is against our basic instincts. The fact that you can't do it right now is more of an indication that something is working right than a sign that something's wrong, if that makes sense.
Have you tried finding an alternative to self harm? I know it must be really scary to lose this, but it might become easier once you have other ways to cope with your feelings. What do you do now when you feel like hurting yourself but can't/don't go through with it?
It's a big change, but it could also be a good one. You're a lot more than "just" a self harmer, and lots of things you can be proud of, I'm sure. Hurting yourself is not a good reason for that.
Take care of yourself, and keep talking if it helps x
"A penny for my thoughts, oh no, I'll sell 'em for a dollar
They're worth so much more after I'm a goner
And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singin'
Funny when you're dead how people start listenin'"
you have to try different ones, positive ones, and then keep trying the ones that work a bit. until you've gotten good at relying on them and you don't feel the need to self harm. learning new coping mechanisms is a process, it takes practice. at first it feels really awkward and unwieldy, but after a bit you feel more and more comfortable with it.
this is my magical medicine cabinet. Left to right they contain: courage, hope, calmness, and strength.
The magical part: They NEVER run out, so borrow some any time you want.
