The great fall a

[The War With My Mind]

Right now I couldn't hate myself anymore. By that I mean I seem to be giving in to my illness without a fight. I've gotten so lazy and unmotivated all I've done this week is sleep and thought about self-harm.

My last appointment with the GP went really well and she told me there was a big difference in me. I'm still waiting on my first proper appointment with a CPN after my first visit so I could be accessed and a course of treatment actioned.

I guess after 10 years of batteling the same old stuff you get so fed up with trying to pick yourself up, it becomes pointless knowing your just going to fall down again.


John

[Gone.]

Hi John,

I think that the fact you think you are going to fall down again is a massive contributory factor as to whether you do or not. Belief is a very important thing. It can shape how well we do at things in life, which is actually very strange to think about. Changing your mindset is so important when you are wanting recovery. I mean, why wouldn't you succeed? You don't have to fall down again and you haven't fallen anyway, just had a minor blip. Looking at the bigger picture you are accessing support and at least you're trying. You wouldn't be getting a CPN if you were giving into self-harm.

Perhaps try to motivate yourself with positive words rather than negative ones. If you fully believe you can then I think you'll notice a difference.

It also might be something to speak to your CPN or GP about.

Take care.

[The War With My Mind]

Thank you for the kind words and support. I know my mindset has to change and it's something I'll be working on with CPN. Sometimes just giving in is the easiest thing to do though.

John

[Gone.]

I agree that giving in can seem like the easiest thing. For now, it is. In the long-term, it isn't. I mean, immediately, changing your mind will feel horrendous and hard and you will want to give up so badly. Once you've fought through that, things will start to look better, you'll feel better about yourself and it will get easier. So in actual fact, the harder option is the easier option, strangely.

I'm glad you'll talk about it with your CPN, I hope that they help you.

Take care.