I can't seem to grow up

DustyChica · 22-01-2011, 12:51 AM

Please don't take this offensively, I know there are lots of adults who self-harm, this is just how I feel about myself.

I started cutting just before I turned 16. I did it for 2 years, then decided to quit shortly before I turned 18. I've been mostly SI-free for the past year (minus a couple of slip-ups), but I want to so badly now. I'm in college and classes can get stressful. I went through a bad breakup after being with my boyfriend for over a year, and 7 months later we are now able to be nice to each other, but he still gives me butterflies when I see him, and I hate them. I know it'll never go back to the way it was, and I want to be over him, but I can't let go of my feelings. Plus on top of this, my mother wants to tell me things like "If you want to be an adult, then act like one!" and when I try to, she criticizes my decisions and tells me I'm not being smart.

I am 19. I should be able to grow up and get past this. But all I can think about is how much I want to cut. I miss it so much, and I know - at least in my mind - it would help. I feel like I'm stuck in the past, and I can't seem to get out of it . . . what do I do?

lilmissjay · 22-01-2011, 12:58 AM

Hey! First of all, congrats on going a year with out SI, that is amazing! I'm also sorry that you are having a rough time at the moment. I don't think any of those things you are going through doesn't mean that you aren't "grown up" it just means that you are hurting and having a rough time. I'm not saying the things that your mom has been saying to you is okay because they aren't, but maybe it's just hard for her to see that you are hurting so bad. Are you getting any type of professional help for your cutting? Please feel free to PM me anytime if you would ever like to talk. I know you can get through this. Take care and stay safe. :)

finding.my.wings · 22-01-2011, 01:42 AM

Do you see a counselor or therapist?
I think that it would be beneficial to see one even if its a guidance counselor at your college. Talking about the brake-up and past relationship might be the key to helping you move past it. As for the wanting to cut and thinking that it will help..... YOu obviously know that it doesn't really helps as you gave it up. Can you name your feeling/emotions right now... cos im guessing that its these that are underlying the urge to cut. Try distractions on the distraction page becasue they can help you not think about cutting.

JaffaCake. · 22-01-2011, 02:03 AM

I don't think it's a matter of 'growing up' but finding a more effective way of dealing with your problems / relieving stress.
It's really good that you've managed a year so keep going, don't give up now!

I don't really know what to say but, I sometimes feel like I should just get over it, sorta thing?

Take care,
Em x

Celticroots · 23-01-2011, 01:40 AM

I agree with what others have said here. Congrats on a year free by the way! As far as what your Mom said about "growing up," I don't think she meant for the comment to be hurtful. I just think that she doesn't understand that you're going through a rough patch right now. She may not understand why people self-harm as well.

I am not sure if one ever really moves on from SI, even if they're able to go years without doing it. I tend to believe it is a life-long struggle. Keep in mind this is just my opinion and I don't mean for it to offend anyone.

Take care