Since ?'s make the world go round- why not make them crazy

[SLICEofSANITY]

Do you ever feel like you are wrong? Like you behave wrong? Think wrong? Your body is wrong? Even gender, wrong? I don't know if this is all because of abuse and me not letting go... but I feel wrong. God doesn't make mistakes, and in my head I know that... but in my heart, well, I don't get it. Maybe life isn't a heart thing. I don't feel like I am who I am. I shouldn't have these injuries, experiences, desires. And how do you deal with self-hate towards yourself, when your mad because you are not you? When you are mad because you have to deal with these situations because you are not fully you, because you have to suffer through someone else's life, and it's all just wrong. You should have no part in this. If you were you, none of this would have happened. If I were a man instead of a woman, I would have been safe forever. Even respected. No one would have ever touched me. My body would not have broken-down. My mind would not go to waste. I could enjoy... I wouldn't ever have to think like this. I would never feel this way. Never longing to cut.

[lilmissjay]

Hey! I'm sorry you are having to deal with all of this. I can't relate to the gender thing, but I do know what you mean about feeling "wrong." I guess all you really can do is try to accept who you are and try to love yourself. You could also get therapy for this. As for being a man so you wouldn't have gotten touched might not have stopped them. There are a ton of men in this world who has been abused whether its verbally, emotionally, physically, or sexually. Abuse doesn't involve just one gender. But none of the things in your past is your fault and I know it can be very hard to move on, let go and forgive, but that's something you have to do so that you can lead a happy and healthy life. PM me anytime if you would ever like to talk. Take care and I hope things work out for the best for you. :)