okay, so please understand that this is extremely hard for me to talk about and can be humiliating. but i think it is something that i must address and i feel if i get a chance to talk about it for the first time in a less threatening way than irl, i might be able to get the courage to talk to my gp, psych, or nurse about
so...here goes
i have er... bladder control issues. i have my entire life, when i was younger (maybe 10) i was completely checked out and they found nothing wrong. it comes from nowhere too, like i won't feel like i need to relieve myself..and then all of a sudden i am busting and can't make it in time. it's humiliating to be my age (21) and still have 'accidents'. don't get me wrong, there are other times when i feel like i need to like everyone else does and can go, which kinda reinforces that this might not be a physical problem
i have recently noticed that in times of high stress, anxiety or depression these accidents are more frequent ( daily sometimes) so i thought maybe it might be psychosomatic?
any ideas?
this was...humiliating to write out...but i feel better having it out there
please be nice. i feel very vulnerable
xoox
kaye
I have a weak bladder, though I usually am able to control it. However when I am stressed and anxious I have to go to the toilet VERY frequently - multiple times per hour. I can very much empathise. This started around the time I was 6 or so, when I started being bullied at school, at the same time as things were very unstable at home.
Even now I keep a special covered pot in my room to use in case I'm desperate and one of my flatmates is in the bathroom.
((hugs you gently))
Would using some of those lady pads be helpful when things are rough for you?
thank u so much for the kind reply
i do use them sometimes, but i'm unemplyed and can't always afford them...and i guess i get embarassed buying them, and it makes me feel like im weak or lazy or something. like i should be able to stop it if i just try harder...but ive been trying all my life
i got bullied something chronic for it at school, and my parents used to yell at me about it too, calling me lazy and stupid etc
i don't remember when it started, as far as i know its been since i was outve diapers...so yeah. i'm not really sure
Sometimes when we are not allowed to, or feel unable to, express anxious etc feelings in words, the body takes over for us and expresses them in it's own way.
i guess that makes sense in my situation...my family never really talks about anything and i was always taught to put on a brave face and pretend everything was fine..when it wasn't
i think i probably should talk to a professional about this...but im scared, and ashamed and really don't know how to broach the subject
Do you think it would help to use those like small pads? I'm not sure what they are called. The same thing happens to me as Stellata, I need to go to the toilet a LOT, especially before a therapy session. I think the anxiety and stress contributes to it a lot. I never have 'accidents' but I get scared I will as it feels like I haven't emptied my bladder fully when I'm anxious.
I don't think you should be ashamed to talk to a professional, I understand why you might feel a bit embarrassed but I'm sure someone has told them something similar before and asked for help. It's better to get through that initial feeling of being scared to tell them so that you can discuss it fully. They might have a solution that could help.
Hope you manage to talk about this with someone
sticks and stones may break your bones but words can tear your heart out.
Hi,
Please try not to be too embarassed about it. I can understand why you are but you don't need to be. These things can (and do) happen to anyone and you should be treated as if it were any other kind of medical problem.
I was wondering whether it is worth getting checked out again by a Doctor. 11 years is a long time and maybe a different Dr will have a different idea about what the problem is. It sounds like urge incotinence which is quite common and my guess would be that when you are anxious etc your nervous system is tipped into its "fight or flight" mode and that has an effect on lots of body systems including your bladder. Even if there is no obvious cause sometimes you can be given "exercises" to do which strengthen the muscles that stop you weeing which might make you able to hold on for a bit longer when you need to go.
If you think that there is a psychological aspect to it then that is also worth mentioning to your Dr because help dealing with the feelings/emotions which make it worse could reduce the frequency of the problem.
In the meantime I agree, some kind of sanitary pad might make things a bit easier.
Always seem to get things just that little bit wrong.
"don't wish, don't start, wishing only wounds the heart"
I used to experience something very similar, though I mostly had control of my bladder in the end. I found that psychotherapy really helped ease things.
Also, you can buy Tena pads online if it helps with the embarrassment.
A lot of supermarkets these days have self service checkouts. I prefer using them myself to normal checkouts. Also, a lot of supermarkets these days sell Tena liners. Perhaps buying Tena liners through a self serve checkout will enable you to feel less uncomfortable about buying them? That way you dont have to deal with people knowing what you have bought (unless there is a problem or you are buying an age restricted item the staff leave you alone).
I am glad someone has posted about them, as I suffer with this. Unfortunately as it is often seen as "old ladies disease" I havent actually told people yet.
Wannabe CPN : -)
"He who is tired of Weird Al is tired of life." - Homer Simpson "I hear those voices that will not be drowned" Sanity is a nasty disease. The world would be a happier place without it. - Rilic
RIP Kat 4th July 1987- 11th June 2013
i'm so glad there are other people out there too, i think it's a viscious cycle. it gets worse when i'm unwell, and it causes so much shame for me that it can make me even more unwell
thank you for your ideas and kind replies
xox
kaye
Like Downside said, it does sound like it could be urge incontinence and it might well be worth mentioning it to a doctor again, in case it does have a physical route, as there are ways they can help you if that is the case.
That said, I have had similar problems when I'm stressed. I very rarely had accidents, but I get a lot of anxiety about getting to the toilet on time, and often feel like I need to 'go' a lot or that I can't properly relieve myself. I was also a chronic bed-wetter until I was in my late teens; I think due to the stressful environment I was living in. In my experience, external stress can have a huge effect on you, from everything from your breathing to your bladder. It's a pity that having problems like this makes you feel so embarrassed (though I can understand totally that it does) but I really do think it would be worth raising with a doctor to make sure it is psychosomatic, or discussing it with your therapist. You could right them a letter if you feel like you can't say it out loud and let them know you find it difficult to talk about?
i think part of the reason i find it so embarassing is that i was bullied for so long because of it and now there is alot of shame and memories attached with it
i think writing it down could be a good idea
xoxo
kaye
