Not sure if I should post this on the actual BPD thread, but thought it might get missed.
To cut a long story short, I was diagnosed with BPD 5 years ago. I am now happily married and have a wonderful little boy. I have been through therapy and {thought} I was dealing with my issues quite well.
I no longer have the abandonment issue as my husband has proved time and time again hes not going anywhere (and I've fought pretty hard.)
Anyway, I'm bi-sexual and poly. My husband isn't but he doesn't mind that I am. I've had a few flings/relationships with women since we've been together and its never affected me before.
However, something happened between me and a girl recently (at a time where I had a lot of other issues going off) and I became completely obsessed, deluded e.t.c. She works closely with me, so we decided it shouldnt go any further.
It's difficult now. I try to act the same but there's those moments when I think "why couldnt it be different, why do my stupid 500% amplified emotions get in the way."
Anyway, I'm pretty sure the solution is that nothing can continue to happen. What I was wondering is if anyone else with BPD has had anything similar happen, especially after thinking their BPD was quite under control?
hi kayla86
i too am bisexual and bpd,i had an 'open relationship' with an abusivepartner that just ended up with himsleeping around and me sitting at home on my own. but anyways, i dont want to give advice because i dont want it to be wrong advice,just letting you know your not alone. its a phrase that wind me up when people say it to me but its true :)
im sorry i couldnt be more helpful but i hope you sort things out xx
This has nothing to do with your BPD love. It's bisexuality and curiosity stuff kicking in. You're married, and I'm sure you want to stay with your husband so please do so. You should agree with him whether or not to start something with that girl if you both really want to and are okay with the situation. If not, you'll have to get over the fact that not everything can settle itself & get over the girl like 'normal' people have to do, too.
Good luck.
RYL FAMILY
Jo (Newlife) is my daughter
Kat (Katnovia) is my sister
This has nothing to do with your BPD love. It's bisexuality and curiosity stuff kicking in. You're married, and I'm sure you want to stay with your husband so please do so. You should agree with him whether or not to start something with that girl if you both really want to and are okay with the situation. If not, you'll have to get over the fact that not everything can settle itself & get over the girl like 'normal' people have to do, too.
Good luck.
It's actually got nothing to do with me being curious and married. I've been having relationships with women for 9 years, (a lot longer than I've been married for.)
Both my husband and the girl where completely aware of where everyone stood, and like I said, this is not the first time this has happened. We all spoke about it before anything even happened, it was just me that couldn't deal with it. I got obsessed in the "ideation/devaluation" (whatever its called) way.
As I also said, I've had a lot of other stuff going on which has contributed (but I didn't want to write an essay.)
My pyschiatrist doesn't understand why this is such an issue for me either, yet a few of my friends with BPD completely get it... and I know in myself its not just curiosity.
This has nothing to do with your BPD love. It's bisexuality and curiosity stuff kicking in. You're married, and I'm sure you want to stay with your husband so please do so. You should agree with him whether or not to start something with that girl if you both really want to and are okay with the situation. If not, you'll have to get over the fact that not everything can settle itself & get over the girl like 'normal' people have to do, too.
I dont think its the fact that the OP has been in a relationship outside her marriage, I think she means BPD symptoms as in feeling infatuate with this person that she's had a relationship with, and not able to extract herself from it as easily as others. In which case she might find it harder to 'get over the girl' like a 'normal' person might.
Quote:
Both my husband and the girl where completely aware of where everyone stood, and like I said, this is not the first time this has happened. We all spoke about it before anything even happened, it was just me that couldn't deal with it. I got obsessed in the "ideation/devaluation" (whatever its called) way.
As I also said, I've had a lot of other stuff going on which has contributed (but I didn't want to write an essay.)
My pyschiatrist doesn't understand why this is such an issue for me either, yet a few of my friends with BPD completely get it... and I know in myself its not just curiosity.
I can completely understand where you're coming from, and Ive never been able to deal with the end of relationships. Even if I dont want to be with the person anymore, I have to sabotage it until the other person ends it because I cant do it myself. Obviously I dont suggest that you do this, because I think you mentioned you work with her or something?
I know its difficult, but maybe trying to reassure yourself over and over again might help a little bit? But I know its difficult with the barrage of emotions which seem to accompany us in these sorts of things.
Maybe you could ask your BPD friends how they might deal with this situation in a helpful way?
You say that you have dealt with your abondonment issues, but maybe this paticular person (along with the other issues going on at the moment) has sort of stirred it up again.
Oh also, I just wanted to add, which I sort of said in my last post - I think sometimes when things are going on that are difficult to deal with, sometimes symptoms of things can get worse because theyve been your automatic ways of coping with things in your past.
I know before I have got better, but then I seem to get a whole lot worse again when Im under stress again.
I hope you manage to work it out - and if you've managed to get your symptoms under control before, I hope its easier for you to do so again :)
It's actually got nothing to do with me being curious and married. I've been having relationships with women for 9 years, (a lot longer than I've been married for.)
Both my husband and the girl where completely aware of where everyone stood, and like I said, this is not the first time this has happened. We all spoke about it before anything even happened, it was just me that couldn't deal with it. I got obsessed in the "ideation/devaluation" (whatever its called) way.
As I also said, I've had a lot of other stuff going on which has contributed (but I didn't want to write an essay.)
My pyschiatrist doesn't understand why this is such an issue for me either, yet a few of my friends with BPD completely get it... and I know in myself its not just curiosity.
I'm sorry if you felt offended. It's just that I have issues like these, too. I didn't mean to step on your toes.
If it's got nothing to do with being in love but more with being completely obsessed with that girl, I agree with the others in trying to find other coping mechanisms.
RYL FAMILY
Jo (Newlife) is my daughter
Kat (Katnovia) is my sister
