gender stuff- not sure if this is in the right place
i was talking to my counsellor yesterday and he asked when i started hating my body. over the years i've had various issues with not liking it... it's got better as i've realised i'm lucky it works, and realised that it is actually an ok body, but the feelings are harder to get rid of than the thoughts. anyway he asked when it started and i said, when i was 9. because before that i wanted to be a boy, and before that, everyone looks like a boy anyway. and then puberty hit (early, yeah) and i realised i wasn't a boy and i stopped feeling comfortable or easy in my skin. and after that, even when i tried to be girlie i was stuck with the feeling that my body wasn't what i wanted... and then the guilt/shame over sex and being gay, etc, struck at 13 but maybe that's some whole other story. i'm just wondering if anyone else has any feelings about this? i don't *still* want to be a boy. i'm 24, and i think i'm used to my body. i'm small and quite feminine physically although i never wear make-up or skirts or anything. but sometimes in my head i'm a boy... never a man, that's not something i'd like to be. i don't know, it doesn't make me feel bad or anything, i'm just curious about other people's experiences.
I used to want to be a boy when I was little. I don't know why, but I was a tomboy and just felt 'wrong' being female as all the things I enjoyed were 'boys things'. I also hated going through puberty (I went through puberty very early, before any of my peers) and felt very uncomfortable with my body.
I'm now 23, and am very happy being female. I'm not usually very feminine, but love to get dressed up at special occasions, wear skirts and dresses etc. I'm straight.
I think it's really common for children to be unsure of their sexuality and gender as they are growing up. I think a lot of people just don't talk about it.
Sorry if this post is pointless, but I can relate, certainly to some of what you have said.
Take care
There are, it has been said, two types of people in the world. There are those who, when presented with a glass that is exactly half full, say: 'This glass is half full'. And then there are those who say: 'This glass is half empty'.
The world belongs, however, to those who can look at the glass and say: 'What's up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don't think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass!
Ever since I was really little I've hated being a girl I hare being defined as one and think people think I'm disgusting because I am one I really hate having female parts. I hate it still but I don't want to be a boy, I'd rather be a boy but truth be told I don't want to be anything... I hate admitting to having or acknowledging my female stuff and I can't wash without clothes on because I hate touching myself and acknowledging my body. Puberty mortified me aswell.. I still don't really know who I am.. I wear baggy clothes, never wear makeup and my long hair cut short and the shorter it is the happier I am but my mum won't let me have it very short. Sorry I don't have much advice I just wanted to let you know you're not alone.
"It is not the strength of the body that counts, but the strength of the spirit"
-J.R.R Tolkien
do you think the early-puberty stuff affected your view of yourself? know that is a pretty broad question!!
Absolutely. I hated my body, felt very uncomfortable with my hips, breasts and my size compared to my peers, and that's part of what triggered my ED. But those feelings didn't persist as I got older (although I do still struggle with eating issues). I really like a feminine body now and I'm very 'female' in the way that I'd love bigger breasts, like my hips etc.
There are, it has been said, two types of people in the world. There are those who, when presented with a glass that is exactly half full, say: 'This glass is half full'. And then there are those who say: 'This glass is half empty'.
The world belongs, however, to those who can look at the glass and say: 'What's up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don't think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass!
Puck- *hugs*. Hopefully you'll work out who & how you want to be, that sounds really hard to deal with. how old are you btw?
Mikey- Know what you mean. I never had a fullblown ED but some definite problems... it's one of those things where the feeling sticks even after the thoughts are gone (if that makes sense).
