four hundredth diagnosis (feels like)

[dollpart]

not bipolar. not depressed (?!).
a "personality disorder". (borderline).
they can't/ won't medicate it. there are things i can do to change patterns of behaviour, there are things i can try to feel better, but basically i am on my own with this one. it explains the lack of ambition/ wildly swivelling ambitions, the inability to sustain relationships healthily, the blind panic i feel every time N leaves me alone. the paranoia and the self-harm. at least it is a starting point. i just wish they had told me before i got so close to ruining everything good in my life. i hope i can salvage it... i love her, and to lose her to this would defeat me.

[Kitkat :)]

You're not the only one, there are other people on here that have been diagnosed with BPD, like me (I was also diagnosed with depression).

The Borderline Personality Thread on here is very helpful as well.

[sherlock holmes]

I was diagnosed with BPD when I was in hosptial about three years ago. I read the borderline personality disorder surivival guide (got it from amazon) and it really helped. It explains BPD and that the recovery prospects are much much higher than people think. It also talks about what treatment options there are.

I had a combination of antidepressants and dialectical behaviour therapy which massively helped me, to the extent that I have stopped self harming, no longer have suicidal thoughts, am back at college and am going to uni this year compared to a few years ago when I was constantly in and out of hospital and was sectiond etc.

You CAN salvage this. It's not the end.

[dollpart]

thanks for replying. they said i'm "not depressed" because i sleep and make myself eat. and i know at this specific point, i am not clinically depressed... but i have been, repeatedly... in the "proper" sense, insomnia, bad appetite, crying or failing too... so having it swept under BPD is a bit frustrating... need it straightened out...x

[dollpart]

controlfreak- that was really helpful and hope-inducing. thanks for that, as i really was feeling a bit bleak. x

[Kitkat :)]

Most people who have BPD find their symptoms lessen as they get older, and research has shown that approximately ten years after someone has been diagnosed they show no signs of having BPD and wouldn't eve fit the criteria to be diagnosed.

[dollpart]

what's the scoop with DBT? how do you get onto it, how does it work? also... what do people find helps dealing with reactions to abandonment type stuff? as it is ruining my relationship...x

[Kitkat :)]

If you're seeing a counsellor or a therapist then they'd recommend trying DBT with you, my old therapist recommended it after I had CBT but never got round to it because the psychiatrist I saw discharged me.

I'm not sure about the abandonment issue, I'm still dealing with it myself. But hope you're okay though.

[dollpart]

Thanks Kat...
I'm seeing a counsellor, not an NHS one though, it's a psychodynamic-type-thing and seems to be working pretty well... CBT never worked for me, as i get angry being told how to think.

I'm OK, trying to get my head around this all... it's been being suggested to me for a while,so I knew a lot about BPD but managed to convince myself it wasn't me... if that makes sense. So now I'm re-ticking the boxes, trying to admit it, then trying to make the changes I need to live with it.

Thanks for the support.

[mikey]

Acceptance is the first step to recovery. There are some great self-help books out there which explain BPD and can give you ways to work through whatever your particular problems are. I'm glad that working with your counsellor seems to be helping. Stick with it, as counselling/therapy are really important tools in learning to manage your condition.
Take care.

[dollpart]

Any books you'd recommend?
Thanks for the reply mikey .

[mikey]

Sarah mentioned the BPD survival guide - that's a good starter